1967 - Supreme Court hands down landmark decision in Pot v. Kettle which legalizes hypocrisy.
1982 - The following people are born: (2,394 James), (9887 Johns), (1 satayanarayan ranganathan rama appuswami ganapathy).
2000 - Millions board planes with shoes, liquids, and food. Angered by this, George Bush goes into seclusion to come up with a way to stop this. It takes roughly one year and a few phone calls to his friends in the Middle East.
2001 - Parachutes requested for all workers in the Twin Towers, George Bush says "NAH!' What's on TV?"
2008 - The Large Hadron Collider is switched on ... nothing happens ... Swissscientists decide to cut their losses and turn it into a badass thrill ride
2009 - Office of the White House announces low-altitude American Airlines 767 fly-over for 9/11 8th year memorial services at ground zero in New York City, on September 11, 2009. Flight officially named AA Flight 175 in honor of the brave civilians who didn't know any better that morning. Plane expected to be supplied with full compliment of fuel as a safety precaution, and to fly over Shanksville, PA, and the Pentagon. Five 20 to 30-year-old Arabs scheduled to take part in flight as show of peace to the Middle Eastern nations. These proud five men will be given boxcutters and a fake bomb in order for the US Air Force to simulate realistic crisis scenarios. Flight 175 "Resurrected," as it has been dubbed by President Obama, will have a pig in the cockpit, for security reasons. Scheduled to fly over WTC site at 9:03 AM.
2012 - The Large Hadron Collider Thrill Ride turns into a supermassive black hole and turns the Earth into something the size of a small pea