Sophia prefers real sex to telegraph sex.

October 5: National Telegraph Appreciation Day, brought to you by TT&A, your local telegraph provider

  • 1337 BCE - The telegraph is invented by Greek inventor Teleos Graphodopoulos.
  • 1208 BCE - The telegraph pole is invented, tripping accidents drop considerably.
  • 337 BCE - Alexander the Great celebrates 1000th anniversary of telegraphy by having world's first telegraph sex with his lover, George Michael; boasts of his 'long dash'.
  • 663 - Meheomod, aka Mohammed, telegraphs his intentions to destroy all Christian infidels. Celebrations of telegraph's 2000th anniversary are cancelled.
  • 1371 - Blinding snowstorm snarls traffic, downs telegraph lines in Ming Dynasty's first test of emergency preparedness.
  • 1921 - Baseball's World Series is broadcast on the radio for the first time. The telegraph announcer loses all fingers trying to keep up. He sues all radio owners making them give him their fingers; He would eventually have over a million fingers on each hand.
  • 1926 - The first Error 404 appears in a telegram.
  • 1931 - Before crashing in France, the British airship R101 sends an urgent SOS telegram, until they realize there's nothing connected onto the other end of the telegraph key.
  • 2001 - Telegraph service finally arrives in Kentucksylvania. Excited residents write all their friends about it.
  • 2006 - Google and SUN Microsystems release their thin-client telegraph server, codenamed GTelegraph, to combat Microsoft.
  • 2006 - Western Union cancels telegraphic service, saying 'We're gonna try out this new telly-phone deal the kids are so fond of'.
  • 2008 - George Michael confesses his love of crack and Tom Cruise markets his new video game.
  • 2009 - Peru runs out of biscuits due to a telegraphic error in the shipping quote.