Example of a shiny ass, on the hampster!
October 3: National Day of Retrofitting Your Hamster with a Metal Ass (Japan)
- -1195 AD - The King of Persia launches a surprise attack on Rome with their new and improved rugs. Cesar Chavez's army crushes the attacks with a combined Pirate and Ninja fleet.
- 1024 - Viagra cookies are invented by Superman and Elton John.
- 1645 - Roman blacksmith is first to create cast iron ass for his five year old son's pet hamster.
- 1915 - Steel prices skyrocket due to the large number of pet hamsters owned in Japan.
- 1928 - Shiny chromed hamster asses are all the rage this year.
- 1929 - Hamster asses can now be programmed to "Jitterbug".
- 1952 - Due to shortages of metal after World War II, hamsters are forced to wear discarded cutlery.
- 1978 - Aluminuim asses are proved to give greater power to weight ratio for the hamster.
- 1982 - Discovered that uranium hamster ass was "probably not a very good idea".
- 1983 - Giant, rabid, razor-toothed uranium-assed hamsters install metal asses to the entire human population of Tokyo.
- 1988 - Geroge H.W. Bush is voted in as the first President to ever have a pet hamster with a metal ass.
- 1990 - David Hasselhoff reunited Germany by pissing on the Berlin Wall
- 1995 - OJ Simspon did it
- 2004 - PETA activists blockade McDonalds fast-food outlets to protest against the cruel, barbaric process of retrofitting hamsters with metal asses.
- 2015 - Apple creates the iLife, therefore having a lifespan of 6 months before something newer and better than you is released.
- 2017 - Newly Elected Hamster Commander-in-Chief 'Fuzzy' proclaims "all hamsters with metal asses to be 'out' and all hamsters with funny fruit hats to be 'in.'"
- 2020 - Osama Bin Laden comes back as a metal-assed zombie and is arrested by PETA police for hurting a hamster in deep Afghanistan