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October 2: Orgasm Day
- 1835 - The Texas Revolution begins where the Mexican soldiers attempt to disarm the people of Gonzales, Texas to stop them reaching orgasm, but encounter stiff resistance from a hastily assembled pornography stockpile.
- 1870 - The Great Tomato War begins
- 1876 - Six women are killed in test of first steam-powered vibrator. It's inventor, Havelock Schtumpf, is never seen again.
- 1889 - In Colorado, Nicholas Creede strikes it rich during the last great orgasm boom of the American old west.
- 1919 - US President Woodrow Wilson reaches orgasm and suffers a massive stroke, leaving him partially paralyzed.
- 1924 - The Geneva Protocol is adopted as a means to strengthen the length of male orgasm.
- 1949 - 500,000 male steel workers win improved retirement benefits, orgasms.
- 1956 - The beginning of the great orgasm shortage.
- 1966 - The orgasm shortage ends, around 2 billion people all orgasm at the same time, vibrating the earth closer to the sun by around 500 miles. Scientists predict a slow and steady increase in global temperature.
- 1985 - I invent the orgasm. Repeatedly. With your mom.
- 1986 - Your Mum jokes get old. Again.
- 1995 - Someone in Paris orgasms. Rioting ensues.
- 1996 - Furbies debut, eating the souls of the overpriveledged.
- 2013 - Chuck Norris orgasms, man is wiped out.