October 2: Orgasm Day

  • 1835 - The Texas Revolution begins when Mexican soldiers attempt to disarm the people of Gonzales to stop them reaching orgasm, but encounter stiff resistance from a hastily assembled pornography stockpile.
  • 1870 - The Great Tomato War begins in Spain; the streets run red.
  • 1876 - Six women are killed in test of first steam-powered vibrator. It's inventor, Havelock Schtumpf, is never seen again.
  • 1889 - In Colorado, Nicholas Creede strikes it rich during the last great orgasm boom of the American old west.
  • 1924 - The Geneva Protocol is adopted as a means to strengthen the length of male orgasm.
  • 1949 - 500,000 male steel workers win improved retirement benefits, orgasms.
  • 1950 - The comic Peanuts is released, coming on the heels of other comics after being withdrawn several times.
  • 1956 - The beginning of the great orgasm shortage.
  • 1957 - Cucumbers have an incredible growing year just to mock orgasmless men.
  • 1966 - The orgasm shortage ends, around 2 billion people all orgasm at the same time, vibrating the earth closer to the sun by around 500 miles (about 800 km). Scientists predict a slow and steady increase in global temperature.
  • 1996 - Furbies debut, eating the souls of the overprivileged.
  • 2014 - The widespread use of Ecstasy fails to get more people to listen to XTC even though the latter has fewer aftereffects.