- 24 - Saint Roger invites his chums to his residence, Gobblewood Mansion, and holds a feast.
- 26 - Saint Roger gets raped by Hillbillies while on holiday in Bulgaria
- 1161 - The first trout was launched into space by the ruskies, onboard Stenchpotski 12.
- 1297 - Someone, somewhere, goes to the lavatory.
- 1349 - Postmen all over England suffer the Sack Death.
- 1492 - Christopher Columbus sings the blues.
- 1607 - Elizabeth I of England rises from the dead as a zombie- then dies again of a bad cold.
- 1704 - Nokia renames itself Bobcom.
- 1734 - Bobcom renames itself Fredphone.
- 1764 - Fredphone renames itself Kings Cross Talk.
- 1824 - Kings Cross Talk renames itself Londres Compagnie de la Télécommunications.
- 1854 - Londres Compagnie de la Télécommunications renames itself London-Telekommunikation-Gesellschaft.
- 1884 - London-Telekommunikation-Gesellschaft renames itself Retford Phone Company.
- 1914 - Retford Phone Company renames itself Nokia.
- 1925 - Nokia Phone Company renames itself Phil the lovable huggable drunkard, but then decides that it projects a negative image on their homeless phone subscribers, so they change back.
- 1973 - Pfft is created and every word in the dictionary is thusforth removed for the rest of eternity. Except for one word. Pfft.
- 1983 - 34 Nazis decide to hold a square dance, which result in a whole new line of trousers being released.
- 1990 - Toasters take over the internets messaging services. Ovens are taken in for questioning.
- 2004 - Nokia renames itself NO CIA, and starts a nuclear war.
- 2007 - While visiting Chicago, President George W. Bush is assassinated, following an economic speech at the Chicago Sheraton Hotel, in front of which an anti-war rally was being held. Noted pedophile John Mark Karr is later arrested for the murder, but is himself killed by a distraught Don King before the case can go to trial.
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