Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/October 14

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

October 14: National Hit an Annoying Person in the Head Day

• 530 - Antipope Dioscorus accidentally collides with Pope Felix IV, thus canceling each other out in a giant, beatific explosion.
• 1066 - William the Conqueror punches Harold Godwinson in the head at the Battle of Hastings.
• 1920 - The Norwegian Army completley destroys the cities Stockholm, Denver and Damascus in search for the Kings lost teddy bear, Mr.Biggles
• 1922 - A man is punched in the head after he uses the elevator to ride a single floor instead of taking the stairs opposite the elevators.
• 1947 - Test pilot Chuck Yager smacks the sound barrier firmly on the head while flying the Bell X-1. The following year he invents Jägermeister, which returns the favour by smacking him on the head.
• 1985 - New York is the first state that allows the state troopers to pull over slow drivers and then smack them 'upside the head'.
• 1989 - Canada initiates its first mime cull. 5,400 street mimes are clubbed in the head with cudgels.
• 1990 - Leonard Bernstein dies, and then reanimates and terrorizes New York alongside a reanimated Herbert von Karajan.
• 1992 - Entire Royal Family of Britain smacked 'upside the head'.
• 1999 - A PC spits a CD out of its CD-ROM drive, hitting Bill Gates in the head. This is the first confirmed instance of artificial intelligence.
• 2001 - George Dubya smacked in the head with a whiffleball bat. The attacker is not apprehended, but leaves behind a number of pamphlets about global warming.
• 2002 - Fran Drescher hit in the head with a large halibut. Fortunately, the halibut is unharmed.
• 2003 - George of the Jungle was captured by a nearby tree, which promptly clubbed him in the head. Apparently the tree was meditating when George's distracting collisions occured.
• 2004 - The Subways' Jared was knocked unconscious when struck in the face with a stale, footlong loaf of Italian Herbs-'n'-Cheese Bread. As a result, Jared endured several painful operations to remove razor-sharp breadcrumbs and flakes of oregano which are lodged deep in his sinuses.
• 2005 - Pat Robertson is smacked 'upside the head' with an axe handle. The perpetrator is not apprehended, but he is described as being some kind of "long haired, bearded, freaky hippy type" wearing sandals and a crown of thorns.
• 2006 - Bill O'Reilly talks condescendingly to a chimpanzee. The chimp wrenches one of O'Reilly's arms out of the socket and then beats him 'upside the head' with his own detached appendage, flinging little bits of O'Reilly everywhere in the process. FOX ratings surge. The chimp is nominated for the Nobel peace prize.