- -2000 - OH GOD THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US!
- 1834 - AAAAAAIIIIEE! Help! We're all going to die!
- 1943 - Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, they'll kill us all!
- 1944 - People die... and stuff...
- 1963 - Hundreds of thousands die in global mime protests, Mimes assume totalitarian control, only to have it crushed 3 weeks later by Vin Diesel dressed as a clown.
- 1967 - Holy Shit!Anna Nicole Smith.
- 1979 - Don't Panic
- 1999 - OH GOD THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US!
- 2000 - Y2K kills the entire planet, annoying environmentalists throughtout the planet, users of Macs are left unharmed.
- 2004 - Y2K is fixed by a patch from Microsoft, life FINALLY returns to normal.
- 2004 - Y2K is fixed again by another patch from Microsoft, due to the complete failure of the first patch.
- 2004 - Y2K can be fixed (at last!) for those users who don't have Genuine Windows software (ie. most people)
- 2004 - Microsoft panics. What the hell can they not-fix now?
- 2005 - The 113th annual World Autofellatio Championship contest begins. If you have children, panic.
- 2006 - Celebrating 445324248432479525 seconds since people invented the tree.
- 2006 - Jesus has not returned to earth in his intergalactic space pod.
- 2006 - Person spills milk on floor
- 2006 - OMG! Celine Dion is playing a concert!!!!!! Nooooooooooooooooooo
- 2006 - Chirstopher Meloni attacks Emmy Winner Jon Stewart after being screwed once again.
- 2007 - K-fedex is releasing another album
- 2008 - Kernel Panic: Segmentation Fault (Core Dumped)
- 2012 - Scientists apologize for any inconvinence previous apocolypse warnings may have caused. Claim the apocalypse is, infact, 2 years ago.
- 2038 - Epoch ends. The ultimate bug shows up. Still no Duke Nukem Forever.
- 2046 - Glucose begins his crusade against toilet paper.
- 2101 - All your base are belong to us!!!
- 2102 - All your base destroyed by tsunami.
- 2105 - All your base rebuilt.
- 2105 - All your base is destroyed again, by a can of Coca Cola. People can't be fucked to built your base again.
- 2105 - al;sdkfjoi;as (Aaahhhhhhh!!!! It's the end of the fucking world!!!)
- 2112 - Attention, all planets of the Solar Federation! We have assumed control!
- 2134 - Angry ticks fire out of my nipples.
- 2843 - Bono finally dies.
- 3764 - SAW 127874 is made.
- The Future - Jesus returns to earth with many holo-hookers
- The Future + 1 - Raptor Jesus pokévolves from Your Mom
- The Future + 2 - Jesus meets Raptor Jesus and the universe implodes.
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