- 2500 BC - Pharaoh Whahuti invents the phrase 'thank you' and requests the phrase to be planted on every garbage can.
- 461 - St. Hilarius becomes Pope. Ironically, his pontificate turns out to be only mildly amusing.
- 1600s - Puritans get food from Native Americans, then drive them away and take their land in traditional American fashion.
- 1716 - Sir Isaac Newton coins the phrase 'Thanks a lot!'. Unfortunatly, it gets no recognition among trash men.
- Seconds later, he coins the phrase 'Don't mention it'.
- 1848 - Irish potato famine enters its 115th day; President James K. Polk heard to utter 'I am heartened to discover that the potatoes of Ireland have finally liberated themselves.'
- 1850 - Oscar Wilde invents Plagiarism. Only on this one day of the year can people freely steal other's hardwork and claim it as there own!
- 1852 - It is getting pretty damn cold in Russia.
- 1942 - World War II: Battle of Stalingrad: Soviet Union forces under General Zhukov launch the Operation Uranus counterattacks, turning the tide of the battle in the USSR's favor. Zhukov hurts himself trying to keep from laughing when, during the middle of the battle, Stalin radios for information and asks him, "How's Uranus?"
- 2004 - Lt. Stealer is tricked into falling down the stairs in front of his house.
- 2008 - Highschool Musical 3 and Kung Fu Panda paraphenalia (free with any purchase of anything) join forces to become the largest distribution of propoganda the world has ever known.
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