1513 - In one of his lesser known works, "Mein Scheisskampf", Martin Luther claims to have gotten into a battle with the devil, flinging his "Scheisse" as a weapon. No shit.
1620 - A number of pirates shipwreck on a gigantic rock off the Massachusetts coast. In a measure to combat cannibalism amongst the surviving members, the Mayflower Compact is signed. In the end, however, nine are eaten with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
1775 - American Revolutionary War: The Continental Congress passes a resolution creating two battalions of mimes, later renamed the United States Mime Corps. They are primarily used as human shields.
1934 - Over a largish tankard of Guinness, the Irish House of Commons makes buggery illegal.
1880 - Ned Kelly is hanged in Australia for beating around the bush.
1881 - third elemental form of lightning created. Worshipers rejoice, detractors masturbate silently.
1889 - Washington is admitted as a state of the Union; is propped up at a podium to give a speech despite the obvious decay.
1902 - Element 4, Cheesium, first isolated by scientists in Paris. Rioting ensues.
1918 - Germany signs a pact to be prissy for the next twenty-one years until an Austrian prick screws it all up.
1930 - Albert Einstein and some dude you don't know receive a patent for the Einstein refrigerator. No Bullshit
1955 - Marty McFly completes the first successful time travel experiment after lightning strikes the Hill Valley clock tower.