May 7: International Daintiness Day (pictured)

  • 1274 - In France, the Second Council of Lion ends in a bloodbath. Final Score: Councillors 2, Lions 37.
  • 1776 - Pollsters in the American colonies find "zero interest" in freedom and democracy, find most are content with ruthless monarchy and doughnuts.
  • 1824 - Ludwig van Beethoven's Ninth Symphony debuts in Austria, performed by a mute ensemble, to a deaf audience, and orchestrated by a conductor with no arms.
  • 1902 - The Wright Brothers and Dudley Do-Right set out to prove that 3 rights make a left.
  • 1920 - The Treaty of Moscow is signed, in which Soviet Russia agrees not to invade the nation of Georgia. It is broken six months later, when Soviet forces capture Atlanta.
  • 1961 - Feminine ultra-spy Mrs. J is sent to Cairo, Egypt by the higher-ups at MI-5. She finds proof that Britain is meddling with Egypt and informs her superiors, only to be jailed. She then escapes by disguising herself as a basilisk but is wounded by a thrown enchanted marshmallow. After being rescued and brought back to health by penguins, a grateful Mrs. J dedicates her life to being a penguin nanny.
  • 1967 - Pope Paul VI designs the miniskirt for Swiss Guard's summer uniforms. FABULOUS!
  • 1968 - USA weather: Summer of Love is forecasted with a 50% chance for civil unrest.
  • 1969 - The first man on the Moon does it in his pants the wrong way.
  • 2010 - The General Election result is realized in the UK. Suicide rates increase 10%.