- 321 - The date no one thought would ever happen, finally did.
- 1367 - King Philo of Wallachia discovers flatulence.
- 1594 - Dwarf Hunting declared illegal in France.
- 1904 - USA begins first efforts to curb illegal immigration with groundbreaking of Panama Canal, separating North and South America.
- 1905 - Weebles wobble.
- 1924 - Weebles still won't fall down.
- 1930 - A time-travelling Jimbo Wales accidentally causes the Great Depression.
- 1939 - Thomas Jefferson ends up being the first president to become a rock star.
- 1953 - Ernest Hemingway awarded the Pulitzer Prize for his maritime opus, Shark Tale.
- 1960 - John Prescott wins the first of many pie eating contests.
- 1961 - Martin Luther King has a dream about going to school naked.
- 1965 - Tony Blair announces the John Prescott Widening Project in order to increase the amount of pies John Prescott can eat. This reduced his ability to make incomprehensible sentences. Millions rejoice.
- 1966 - Robin Cook appointed as Cheif Incomprehensible Sentence Maker by the Queen. Millions saddened.
- 1968 - Robin Williams visits Earth and pals around with Gene Roddenberry and William Shatner. More than 40 years of science fiction hub-bub and techno-crap follow, creating really cool inventions like the transporter and Klingons.
- 1977 - Star Wars is released with the tag line "May the fourth be with you". The Director was later fired to making up such a ludicrous pun. Douchebag.
- 1980 - Ronald Reagan loses in a winner-take all paintball tournament sponsored by Jodie Foster.
- 1986 - Ronald Reagan awakes to a new day, but has no idea why.
- 2004 - First annual Nigerian Email Writers Convention held.
- 2005 - The entire country of Portugal secedes and moves to Canada.
- 2007 - Queen Elizabeth prepares enjoy the Kentuckistan Derby by buying a beer bong.
- 2009 - Jimmy Carter creates the Anti-Weeble, which never gets up off the floor. This brings chaos to the Weeble-balance and the Weeble Wars begin.
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