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May 4: Jedi New Year
321 - The date no one thought would ever happen, finally did.
1367 - King Philo of Wallachia discovers flatulence.
1594 - Dwarf Hunting declared illegal in France.
1904 - USA begins first efforts to curb illegal immigration with groundbreaking of Panama Canal, separating North and South America.
1905 - Weebles wobble.
1924 - Weebles still won't fall down.
1930 - A time-travelling Jimbo Wales accidentally causes the Great Depression.
1939 - Thomas Jefferson ends up being the first president to become a rock star.
1953 - Ernest Hemingway awarded the Pulitzer Prize for his maritime opus, Shark Tale.
1960 - John Prescott wins the first of many pie eating contests.
1961 - Martin Luther King has a dream about going to school naked.
1965 - Tony Blair announces the John Prescott Widening Project in order to increase the amount of pies John Prescott can eat. This reduced his ability to make incomprehensible sentences. Millions rejoice.
1966 - Robin Cook appointed as Cheif Incomprehensible Sentence Maker by the Queen. Millions saddened.
1968 - Robin Williams visits Earth and pals around with Gene Roddenberry and William Shatner. More than 40 years of science fiction hub-bub and techno-crap follow, creating really cool inventions like the transporter and Klingons.
1977 - Star Wars is released with the tag line "May the fourth be with you". The Director was later fired to making up such a ludicrous pun. Douchebag.
1980 - Ronald Reagan loses in a winner-take all paintball tournament sponsored by Jodie Foster.
1986 - Ronald Reagan awakes to a new day, but has no idea why.
2004 - First annual Nigerian Email Writers Convention held.
2005 - The entire country of Portugal secedes and moves to Canada.
2007 - Queen Elizabeth prepares enjoy the Kentuckistan Derby by buying a beer bong.
2009 - Jimmy Carter creates the Anti- Weeble, which never gets up off the floor. This brings chaos to the Weeble-balance and the Weeble Wars begin.