May 4: Jedi New Year
321 - The date no one thought would ever happen, finally does.
1367 - King Philo of Wallachia discovers flatulence.
1594 - Dwarf hunting is declared illegal in France when the Jew and Huguenot season is extended.
1904 - The USA begins its first efforts to curb illegal immigration with the groundbreaking of the Panama Canal, separating North and South America.
1905 - Weebles wobble.
1924 - Weebles still won't fall down.
1930 - A time-travelling Jimbo Wales accidentally causes the Great Depression.
1939 - Thomas Jefferson ends up being the first president to become a rock star.
1953 - Ernest Hemingway is awarded the Pulitzer Prize for his maritime opus, Shark Tale.
1960 - John Prescott wins the first of many pie-eating contests.
1961 - Martin Luther King has a dream about going to school naked.
1965 - Tony Blair announces the John Prescott Widening Project in order to increase the amount of pies John Prescott can eat. This reduced his ability to make incomprehensible sentences. Millions rejoice.
1966 - Robin Cook is appointed as Cheif Incomprehensible Sentence Maker by the Queen. Millions saddened.
1968 - Robin Williams visits Earth and pals around with Gene Roddenberry and William Shatner. More than 40 years of science fiction hub-bub and techno-crap follow, creating really cool inventions like the transporter and Klingons.
1977 - Star Wars is released with the tag line "May the fourth be with you". The director will be fired to making up such a ludicrous pun. Douchebag.
1980 - Ronald Reagan loses in a winner-take-all paintball tournament sponsored by Jodie Foster.
1986 - Ronald Reagan awakes to a new day, but has no idea why.
2004 - The first annual Nigerian Email Writers Convention is held; millions attend.
2005 - The entire country of Portugal secedes and moves to Canada.
2007 - Queen Elizabeth enjoys the Kentuckistan Derby and buys a beer bong. She will later crowd surf the mosh pit in the infield.
2009 - Jimmy Carter creates the Anti-Weeble, which never gets up off the floor. This brings chaos to the Weeble-balance and the Weeble Wars begin.