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- 987AD - Beowulf discoveres that Azn is a fag.
- 1178 - Chuck Norris is discovered.
- 1242 - Jack Thompson rapes his first kitten.
- 1494 - Christopher Columbus invents Jamaica.
- 1791 - The May Constitution of Poland is proclaimed by the Polish diet, only to be promptly superceded by the Atkins Diet.
- 1810 - Lord Byron swims the Hellespont, for which he is finally awarded his Silver swimming badge.
- 1815 - Neapolitan War: Chocolate, Vanilla, and Strawberry easily defeat plain frozen yogurt.
- 1907 - Actress Sharon Stone develops fungal infection, the first of many.
- 1987 - Robert Palmer develops an unhealthy addiction to love which will eventually prove terminal. 17 years later.
- 1992 - Long lost ship the Titanic (disambiguation) found, un-sunken, in Jamaica
- 2001 - The United States loses its seat on the U.N. Human Rights Commission for the first time since the commission was formed in 1947, after ordering Burger King instead of McDonalds for lunch.
- 2078 - David Beckham's chocolate flavoured pants are washed up on a Mexican beach. It immediately has Swine Flu!