- 0 - First Ninja Pirate born. He is easily confused with Jesus and ends up killing said Jesus and takes his place. He is worshipped in Christianity.
- 616 - Pope Eggs Benedict IV declares that Spain does not exist
- 927 - The fucking Vikings do something really nasty, they create Norway
- 1865 - Abraham Lincoln turns down tickets to the Ice Capades in order to see a play
- 1975 - The Year 1975 is misplaced in History
- 1914 - Stand-up British gents die jolly-good deaths in World War I
- 1927 - Everybody gets depressed
- 1930 - First person ever born on this date.
- 1931 - First person to ever be born on this date is found dead of a heroin overdose. Everyone is sad.
- 1935 - Prozac is invented, entering the market under the auspicious title World War II
- 1982 - Pope Jean Paul II readmits Spain to existance, apologizes for his forepope's bigotry
- 1986 - Ronald Reagen weeps publically, after being called a 'nosey meddler' by Nicarauans. Sandinistas lead GLOBAL COMMUNIST REVOLUTION resulting with complete annihilation of life. God reported to be 'alcoholic and whore-mongering'.
- 1993 - First use of the word LOL in recorded history
- 2008 - With all the success of his book, James Madison takes a relaxing vacation in Purgatory. Where there was much rejoicing!
- 2012 - The word LOL is finally added to the Oxford dictionary, despite numerous protests from people such as Stephen Fry
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