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Exhausted Dog

May 17: Day of the Exhausted Dog (Mongolia only)

  • 0 - First Ninja Pirate born. He is easily confused with Jesus and ends up killing said Jesus and takes his place. He is worshipped in Christianity.
  • 616 - Pope Eggs Benedict IV declares that Spain does not exist.
  • 927 - The fucking Vikings do something really nasty, they create Norway.
  • 1805 - Muhammed Ali becomes Waali of Egypt after knocking out rival Charlotte Brontë in the 8th round.
  • 1849 - Millard Fillmore wins the Kentucky Derby with jockey Franklin Pierce in the irons.
  • 1865 - Abraham Lincoln turns down tickets to the Ice Capades in order to see a play.
  • 1975 - The year 1975 is misplaced in history.
  • 1914 - Stand-up British gents die jolly-good deaths in World War I.
  • 1927 - Everybody gets depressed, repressed or undressed.
  • 1930 - First person ever born on this date is born on this date.
  • 1935 - Prozac is invented, entering the market under the auspicious title World War II.
  • 1982 - Pope John Paul II readmits Spain to existence, apologizes for his forepope's bigotry. The Anti-Pope George Ringo is not amused.
  • 1986 - Ronald Reagan weeps publicly, after being called a 'nosey meddler' by Nicaraguans. Sandinistas lead GLOBAL COMMUNIST REVOLUTION resulting with complete annihilation of life. God reported to be 'alcoholic and whore-mongering'.
  • 1993 - First use of the word LOL in recorded history.
  • 2008 - With all the success of his book, James Madison takes a relaxing vacation in Purgatory, where there was much rejoicing!
  • 2012 - The word LOL is finally added to the Oxford Dictionary, despite numerous protests from people such as Stephen Fry.