1770 - 14-year old Marie Antoinette marries 15-year old Mr. Potato-Head who later becomes king of Ireland. Two years later, the Potato Famine begins, as the new king refuses to allow people to grow and eat his cousins.
1910 - The U.S. Congress authorizes the creation of the BATF. The BATF cracks down on drunken hippies in San Francisco the next week.
2007 - President George W. Bush dies after choking on his mispronunciation of the word "nuclear".
2008 - The Queen of England is declared emo by James Madison in his new book, The Queen and I. Sales soar through the roof. Later that day, with a tear running down her face, the Queen runs a straightblade across her wrist, telling herself that "It's just a phase."
A long, long time ago - The tyrranic reign of intergalactic emperor Palpatine came to an end in a galaxy far, far away.
2009 - Ross declares love to Stephanie Rae in front of millions.
3004 - The government finally decides to assist Hurricane Katrina victims, despite the fact that the actual event occured a thousand years ago.