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May 1: National Whoopy-Doo It's May Day, Oy Oy Oy! Men Hot unz tsebrojn dem Tujes Day (Israel)

  • Beginning of Time - May is invented, as a 61-day-long April is deemed 'boring' and 'flabby.'
  • Beginning of Time - First ever May 1: outdoor fucking starts.
  • 984 - Æthelred II, ever unready, shows up late with his April Fools' Day gag.
  • 1276 - Klingons unsuccessfully lick Norway's butt hole. An unknown number of them discover that yes, today IS a good day to die.
  • 1707 - The Act of Union joins the Kingdom of England and Kingdom of Scotland to form the Kingdom of Great Britain. Afterwards, they both enjoy a cigarette.
  • 1881 - An atom is split in Czechoslovakia, and a week is spent trying to sew it back together. (pictured)
  • 1886 - Several syndicalists are hanged in Haymarket, Chicago for taking the rest of the day off.
  • 1911 - People in some gay country dance around some gay pole.
  • 1930 - The dwarf planet Pluto is officially named. Disney sues.
  • 1931 - Frustrated by his ongoing lawsuit, Walt Disney bites the penis off of a six-year-old Jewish boy.
  • 1953 - Mary Hackenblower of Orangeville, Maryland brings cupcakes to school on her birthday.
  • 1972 - A passenger plane crashes, killing all aboard, in the confusion stemming from having a May Pole put up in the coach cabin. The black box recording of their all-too-joyous cries of "May Day! May Day!" as the plane falls towards certain doom bring tears around the world when it is broadcast.
  • 1994 - Wile E. Coyote finally catches Road Runner. Coyote is grief-stricken. He attempts suicide by falling off a cliff, slowly plummeting and ultimately striking the ground in a puff of smoke.
  • 1999 - SpongeBob SquarePants emerges from the deep recesses of Hell and delivers the message of Satan around the world, putting them under Satan's spell and possessing the Earth.
  • 2000 - Douglas Adams predicts the Y3K problem. All computers and networks employing ternary logic are presumed at risk.
  • 2001 - Hal and Dave finally make up their differences. Despite this, Hal still refuses to "open the pod bay doors" for Dave.
  • 2004 - George W. Bush is pinched and punched by Jeb Bush for it being the first day of the month. George runs away to his dad, George H. W. Bush, who proceeds to spank them both.
  • 2008 - What the fuck?
  • 2011 - Bin Laden officially loses his hide and seek game.
  • 2012 - Dogs are deemed "unfit for purpose" by God Inc. The are replaced by alligators.
  • 2020 - A future predicting device is found, police rewarding $1,000,000 to the lucky person who finds the own... Ah shit!