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Dead goldfish

March 23: International Watch Anime With Your Pet Fish Day

  • 467 BCE - Ancient Greeks eat fish sandwiches while watching a new play by Aeschylus. This is the closest that fish will come to watching anime with their owners for over 2000 years.
  • 139 - Roman historian Erraticus publishes the fourth version of Life of Trajan, this one portaying Trajan as an emperor and retracting the previous version's claims that Trajan was a talking donkey.
  • 1097 - St. Peter's Basilica was first used outside of Vatican City during the first Crusades.
  • 1952 - Enid Blyton publishes her most famous work, The Three Colliwogs.
  • 1962 - Dozens of women march on Washington D.C. to politely request feminine rights. Their husbands go without supper.
  • 1974 - The last dirty liberal is sent to serve in the Vietnam War, rendering America a perfect utopia of conservatives for nearly eighteen months.
  • 1993 - 13 people die in the US when their pet goldfishes strangle them after not being allowed to watch anime with their owners. This would provide the basis for the movie Natural Born Killers.
  • 2006 - Playstation 1 dies. Xbox skips the funeral but returns later to piss on its grave.
  • 2011 - Chuck Norris succeeds in destroying the last internet meme when he roundhouse kicks the final remaining Rick Astley music video into oblivion.