- 1000000 B.C. -The first kitten is discovered by Egyptians. They try burning the kitten to get high but discover that you must sniff the kitten to get high.
- 1300 - Chinese Explorer Who Flhung Dhung brings back kittens on which the Chinese become instantly addicted to.
- 1301 - Exactly one year later, the Chinese invent a more refined way of getting kitten into your system, now known by the street name "Heroin", it is really kitten in pure form.
- 1462 - Holy Roman Emperor Yugo Hugo IV dies because he finds someone elses shoe wedged next to his toilet.
- 1915 - U.S. President Woodrow Wilson becomes the first American to get high on kittens.
- 1915 - Pluto is photographed for the first time, discovering the first extra-terrestrial colony of human huffing kittens.
- 1940 - Nazi scientists invent Fanta, a four-legged mammal that was supposed to huff just like a kitten, in order to overcome the Allied embargo of kittens.
- 1942 - U.S. implements wartime rationing of kittens and all cats under two years old.
- 1969 - Keith Richards swears that he has huffed his last kitten.
- 1972 - After several hallucinogenic tigers, India and Bangladesh sign a friendship treaty.
- 1978 - Keith Richards swears that he has huffed his last kitten.
- 2003 - Saddam Hussein is forced to huff goats due to the impending U.S. invasion.
- 2005 - Police loosed water cannons and tear gas on rioting French students and activists as they rampaged through a McDonald's in Paris. The French were apparently incensed by images of french fries being displayed on drive-thru menus.
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