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Caesar-crossing

March 15: Julius Caesar's Birthday, Ironic Birthday Day (Italy)

  • 35,000 BC - An unknown Homo sapiens pens Diary of a Caveman, a revealing look into caveman culture, fashion, and etiquette.
  • 52 BCE - Julius Caesar invites Gaulish leaders Vercingetorix and Asterix to his birthday party. It proves to be only a ruse to take them hostage and an excuse not to have to put out any cake or prizes.
  • 44 BCE - On his way to the theater, Julius Caesar is surprised with a birthday cake. In the rush to cut the cake, Caesar is accidentally stabbed 57 times. His dying words, 'Et tu, Brute?,' tell his friend Brutus that he can have 2 slices.
  • 1895 - Oscar Wilde is convicted of gross indecency and sentenced to two years hard labor. He beats charges of assault and battery using rapier wit but then is charged with carrying a concealed weapon.
  • 1952 - John Cage composes 4'33" and becomes widely known as 'that douche who didn't play any music'.
  • 1967 - The first computer game is introduced, when Grandmaster Lt. Chekov loses a game of chess to a large supercomputer.
  • 1981 - Altered Images release their song Happy Birthday providing a modern alternative to Happy Birthday to You and causing the death of thousands allergic to twee pop sung in a squeaky voice.
  • 2000 - The first Y2K doomsayers quietly come out of their caves and begin attempting to live normal lives; most fail and are ridiculed.
  • 2008 - Iggy Pop finally gets around to buying a shirt and promptly loses it.