1910 - A Japanese kittenhoefer kills Alexander Graham Bell and patents the cell phone. Unfortunately, it weighs four hundred pounds, and has a 300-mile long spool of cable accompanying it.
1912 - Cingular makes its first attempt at raising the bar, then dies.
1914 - The question "What if the hokey pokey IS what it's all about?" is first raised by Mark Twain.
1915 - Supreme Court of the United States rules that Oklahoma cannot deny some of its citizens the right to vote. The Chief Justice then proceeds to insult Woodrow Wilson over his attempts to allow women to have a voice beyond choosing what's for dinner.
1941 - WWII: France surrenders to Germany again, for good measure.
1942 - WWII: France celebrates the anniversary of their surrender to Germany and the establishment of the Vichy government with parades, parties, and a third surrender to make sure the message was received.
1964 - The KKK appreciates the civil rights movement by murdering three of its members.
1982 - John Hinckley is found not guilty by reason of batshit insanity for trying to kill President Reagan; Hinckley dedicates his win to .