1837 - The muffin man began to build his reputation.
1846 - Pius IX is elected pope on the strength of his fetching rendition of the Macarena. Through similar means he later secures successive terms in office and becomes the longest-reigning pope since the days of St. Peter's last miracle.
1858 - Abraham Lincoln famously states that a house divided against itself cannot support itself very well and might very well lean to one side or perhaps fall over in some cases, if not completely just remain as is until some unfortunate earthquake or something ends its crippled being.
1889 - King Richard stands trial for attempting to murder his neighbor's cat with a ceramic lawn gnome
1897 - The United States, in honor of Abraham Lincoln's legacy, officially annexes Hawaii and oppresses the natives.
1904 - Bloomsday. The events of James Joyce's novel, Ulysses, take place. Nothing happens.
1916 - Lost explorers discover what they believe to be the only flower living within a 250km radius of the South Pole. They divide it up and eat it ravenously but still die from hypothermia.
1932 - Wet Biscuit McGlee records the first blues album on 72-track digital tape.
1952 - A plush dog toy braves the high seas of the English Channel in a brave attempt to find his father in France. Dognapped by a skilled team of dognappers.
1968 - The Rhode Island Toothpick Massacre: Newton G. Hardwick of Pawtucket steals a box of toothpicks from a local Wal-Mart and goes on a rampage, leaving one person bruised and five more slightly peeved.