From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
June 11: Ontological Empiricism Day
- 1770 - Captain James Cook wonders whether the Great Barrier Reef actually "exists", or is simply a bundle of sense-data, which is "perceived" by most to be a coral reef. He is driven mad within minutes.
- 1879 - The Prince of Oranges and Lemons dies.
- 1922 - The Society of Post-postmodernism declares Ontological Empiricism shallow and pedantic.
- 1945 - The last day Kyle was seen..Have you seen Kyle ?
- 1963 - A Buddhist monk, believing himself to have perfected fireproof clothing, performs a public demonstration of the clothes by setting himself on fire in a crowded Vietnamese street. Predictably, the monk himself was not fireproof and burned to death.
- 1979 - The constituencies of Ontological and Empirical both redrawn as safe Liberal Democrat seats, as no other party understand them.
- 1993 - Margaret Thatcher Lost In Woolworths. Found Near Pic'n'Mix.
- 1999 - Cheese is reinvented as a basic element after complaints from several Pan-dimensional beings.
- 2004 - Bare assertion fallacy rediscovered as brash, and somewhat tittlating.
- 2005 - Uncyclopedia users baffled by the words 'Ontological', 'Empiricism', and in some cases, 'Day'. Due to that, no-one understands the June 11 "On This Day".
- 2006 - Uncyclopedia users, armed with pocket thesauruses, attempt to post something relevant. Success is extremely limited.
- 2007 - The creator of Ontological Empiricism Day is punched in the face by God. "Here you have a proof of both your existence and logos !" declared the agressor.
- 2008 - The Hermeneutic Society votes against the Ontological Empiricism Day, quoting the Universe Indexed Properties and the Fate of the Ontological Argument papers.