- 334 BC - Masturbation is accidentally invented by Plato in Athens. His diciple Aristoteles is later declared "Master of his domain"
- 1687 - Isaac Newton (pictured) discovers gravity after being hit on the head by a falling fig.
- 1689 - After outbreak of falling fruit, Isaac Newton officially changes gravity to 7.
- 1946 - The bikini is introduced in Paris, France. Later, no bikini atoll was the trend.
- 1967 - The first kidney transplant to be made entirely of lego bricks ends in tragedy
- 1998 - Aliens fail to turn up and fry everyone to a pink crisp.
- 1999 - Again, the aliens miss the due date.
- 2000 - Yet again, the aliens fail to meet their contractual obligations.
- 2001 - Cultists get seriously pissed off with yet another no-show.
- 2002 - Kooks consider taking legal action against missing aliens.
- 2003 - Aliens turned up, but not the right aliens. Bloody mocking tourists.
- 2004 - No one turns up because no one expects the aliens to. And, yup, they didn't.
- 2005 - If you are reading this, the aliens did not turn up for the 8th year running.
- 2005 - Longest fart in world history. Produced by AMB.
- 2006 - That's right, still no aliens.
- 2006 - Zombies become extinct.
- 2007 - Deal or No Deal? The aliens decide to take the money and not show up - again!
- 2010 - The Church Of The Subgenius hijacks the Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/July 5 page
- 2155 - Aliens almost turned up but missed a left due to wrong directions and landed on Venus.
- 2156 - Aliens turn up and land in Tokyo but flee due to a Gundam Statue that lit up at night.
- 19447 - Aliens appear as tourists, but at this point no one cares.
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