657 - Battle of Siffin. Theys was Diffin, yo. No I'm sayn, Bitch?
790 - The practice of "back handing" starts in Europe as a cure for the women talking. It has a success rate of 80%.
810 - The practice of "back handing" ends in Europe as reports of excessive clean houses increases.
1521 - Famed prophet Nostradamus predicts that the King of England will have an affair and take the Queen of France as his mistress.
1524 - Nostradamus's house gets egged by an angry mob as they find his prediction to be wrong and that the King of England does not take the Queen of France as his mistress, but the Prince of Germany.
1536 - King Henry VIII of England takes Punch Your Girlfriend day to new extremes, by killing two of his wives.
1590 - Martin Luther changes his "100 Thesis" to the "99 Thesis" by deleting the sentence, "Priests are not to be allowed to have relations with children."
1792 - The Whiskey Rebellion is lost as George Washington and his troops march to fight off rebels while they were drunk singing "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. We take one down, pass it around, and 98 bottles of beer on the wall..."
1812 - The War of 1812 starts as an 18 year old young British boy gets in a fist fight with a 12 year old American. The two nations get involved as they send reinforcements to help the children.
1834 - The whoopie cushion is invented as a seat cover, but does not sell well for making "sounds of unwanted body gases."
1870 - The typewriter is invented with only the keys Ctrl, Alt, and Delete.