January 8: National Discrimination Day
Smack, Smack, don't touch my Smack!!!
- 450,000,000,000 bc - Earth v1.0 is created, only to be scrapped and replaced at a later date due to a typo in the planning application. Dinosaurs die in the process.
- 33 - Jesus begins his decline.
- 69 - The Invisible Man invents "stalking hot babes" and ugly women all over the world are furious.
- 1750 - Larry King breaks world record for most sit-ups.
- 1815 - Andrew Jackson forgets that the war is over and utterly destroys the British army. Fortunately, America says "We don't give a shit. You're a hero, YAAAAAAY!"
- 1869 - KKK burnt down by racists, fascists, Nazis, and other bad people.
- 1942 - Henry Ford declares his alleigence to Adolf Hitler's dictatorship.
- 1967 - Martin Luther King Jr. dies of an M&M overdose.
- 1975 - Gerald Ford impeached when he claims he has to sign Ohio State sucks bill in order to leap.
- 2009 - Kellogg's continues to conquer the cereal market with Smack after finally dropping the honey flavoring and just selling it straight up.
- 2010 - The popular children's story that an apple a day keeps the doctor away is discovered to be false; it instead speeds up genital wart formation.