January 4: the original Star Wars Day
- 1642 - The government of Japan introduces the country's first paper money, which is more convenient than bulky coins. Japanese prostitutes everywhere rejoice
- 1666 - The Great Fire of London begins as the Christmas decorations are taken down too close to a naked flame.
- 1974 - The second coming of Christ faces serious setbacks almost a year after the Supreme Court rules on Roe v. Wade.
- 1995 - Michael Jackson is kidnapped and forced to listen to his own music for seven consecutive days by his captors
- 2004 - Spirit, a NASA Mars rover, touches down on Mars at 04:35 UTC, is later fined for landing on double yellow lines
- 2006 - A redundant event is added to Uncyclopedia's anniversaries.
- 2010 - Burj Khalifa, world's tallest building, opens to public despite revelation that the architects paid Osama bin Laden to help them achieve "tallest building" status
- 2012 - Tooth Fairy forced to resign after illegally selling children's teeth to hicks and not following the Parapluie Commandments
- 4412 - The first Twinkie expires. Apocalypse-fearers everywhere worry about their food supply.