January 3: Feast of St Wallet, International Throw Tomatoes at Old People day
- 1 - Dawn of the Final Day (24 hours remain.)
- 3 - First payday after Christmas. The family breadwinner may heave the ritual sigh of relief and start saving for next Christmas.
- 1922 - Ottoman Empire decides to get out of the land business and focus on relief for calves.
- 1947 - Saddam Hussein and Mel Gibson are born.
- 1948 - Mel Gibson is deported to Australia for abusing a meat grinder.
- 1974 - The Keebler Elves go on strike claiming the working conditions of the tree are " Uncommonly Horrid" and demand a union. Ernie Keebler hires several Smurfs to scab in their place.
- 1992 - Nirvana releases "Come As You Are" as a single. Pathetic guitar players every where rejoice at being able to have a song they can strum while playing Dungeons & Dragons.
- 2004 - CBS declares victory in the ratings war after crushing "that gay peacock network".
- 2006 - a certain website releases "cum as you are" for download. Pathetic Dungeons & Dragons players everywhere rejoice at being able to have a video they can fap to while playing