Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/January 2

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January 2: Season of Giving officially ends, Global Day of Shame and Regret, still not including Saudi Arabia.

Franklin Pierce

Where's my marble steps?

  • 0 - Nine months from now, Jesus is going to be born
  • 1655 - The secret Yukon War takes place and ends on the same day after no one showed up
  • 1880 - Football is officially renamed soccer at Yale as a joke on Cambridge. A new aversion to America is born
  • 1933 - Adolf Hitler kills his grandmother and takes over as dictator of Germany. Explains that "she was a fucking Jew"
  • 1945 - Hitler's bunker explodes under mysterious circumstances. His grandmother's ghost remains a suspect
  • 2003 - Some guy walks into his wasted buddy's room early in the morning to point out that the clock reads "01/02/03, 04:05:06." He is abruptly beaten with an old Sega Genesis controller, finally giving the C button a use
  • 2015 - Former fourteenth President and model train enthusiast Franklin Pierce rises from the dead to whine, bitch, and moan about no monument being erected for him for keeping the Union whole before "Buchanan fucked it up".
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