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January 12: Political Correctness Throughout History Day

  • 6780 BCE - Fred Flintstone appears on the Jerry Springer special I Married My Pet.
  • 1 CE - Original Jesus is circumcised. Hilarity ensues and Godwin's Law is quickly invoked.
  • 901 - The Hungarians politely allow Vikings to attack the Carolingian Empire first as the Vikings had called dibs.
  • 1853 - Archibald Schtumpf is killed during an autoerotic experience with the newly invented hydraulic knitting machine.
  • 1863 - Abraham Lincoln frees the blacks for the first time, denies political motivation and insists "some guy" will prove his point "in a couple years".
  • 1912 - Clarence Birdseye invents the process for frozen food but will be found frozen to death, standing in front of an open freezer door while he decides what to have for dinner.
  • 1944 - German-Jewish health and beauty products Finale Solution Shower Cream and Calamity by Calvin Klein are withdrawn due to falling sales.
  • 1991 - George Bush Sr. reintroduces slavery after mishearing a joke told a a White House dinner.
  • 1994 - Clinton comes to the aid of America and kills slavery yet again, right after having a quick visit through the typing pool.
  • 2010 - Devastating earthquake in Haiti kills 310,000 people. Yeah, that happened, remember?