Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/February

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Insertpic
[Insert double entendre here]
February 1: International [Insert holiday here] day
  • 24398 BC- First fat kid falls down flight of stairs.
  • 1500 AD - Caveman invents the kayak
  • 1501 AD - Caveman invents the bus
  • 1931-Boris Yeltsin born; his mother has a vodka drink while he is still in the womb, thus born drunk. *<nowiki>[Insert year here] - [Insert event here]
  • [Insert a year from 0-43 AD here] - [Insert overdone Jesus joke here]
  • [Insert 1337 here] - [Insert tired, pointless noob joke here]
  • A Peruvian Boeing 737 crashes in the Andes - killing 123 people. pwned by mountains ;[
  • [Insert year here] - [Insert event here]
  • [Insert date that doesn't follow the given order at all] - [Insert sexual innuendo with[insert name here] and [insert name here] along with an event that defies logic]
  • [Insert year here] - [Insert overdone European reference here]
  • [Insert year here] - [Insert event here]
  • [Insert year here] - [Insert event here]
  • [Insert completely random date here] - [Insert absurd event here]
  • [Insert year here] - [Insert event that takes place in Paris here] - [Insert sentence containing 'Rioting' here]
  • [Insert year here] - [Insert event here]
  • [Insert year here] - [Insert denial of event here]
  • 2006 - James Blunt admits he was fed helium as a child and recommends it too the youth of today
  • 20X6 - Correct me if I'm wrong but are you asking me for a challenge?!?!
  • [Insert A.D. 2101 here] - [Insert tired, pointless All Your Base reference here]
  • [Insert date absurdly far into the future here] - [Insert joke about robot overlords here]
  • [Insert (absurdly large number times two absurdly large numbers)AD here] - [Insert worn out and over used joke about a clone of your mother and me here].

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February 2: Yad Ecnetnes Sdrawkcab Lanoitanretni

  • CA 3541 - Emit Tsrif Eht Rof Sdrawkcab Skaeps Yessirrom Nhoj.
  • CA 8361 - Dednuof Yad Ecnetnes Sdrawkcab Lanoitanretni.
  • CA 0591 - Dedne Yad Ecnetnes Sdrawkcab Lanoitanretni.
  • CA 0462 - Dednuofer Yad Ecnetnes Sdrawkcab Lanoitanretni.
  • CA 6002 - Detucexe Lyo Evilo Sah Hsub, Noinu Eht Fo Etats Eht Ot Esnopser Ni
  • 0202 - Setad fo tuo nekat 'CA'.
  • 6X02 - !!Ecued Elbuod
  • 1901 - !A man, a plan, a canal, Panama!
  • 1942 - secnetnes sdrawkcab stnevni tluc txet der
  • 2004 - .uhcakiP a otni snrut hsa.
  • 2006 !AAAAAAAAA AAAAA AAAAAAAAAA AAAAAA
  • 173461 - Niaga - Dedne Yad Ecnetnes Sdrawkcab Lanoitanretni!
  • 164374 - serac ydoboN.

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Feb

February 3: Go Fuck a Groundhog Day

  • 10 - 10th February 3rd EVER!
  • 235 - The moon was invented by rouge cave dwelling ducks from South Africa.
  • 1194 - Saladin I gets it on with Pandhragati Phil, a local groundhog, causing it to snow in Arabia.
  • 1903 - Inspired by hearing a story about how Theodore Roosevelt refuses to shoot a bear on the grounds that it was injured and elderly, and besides, "it's no fun if they can't run fast enough to almost make it before I blow their brains out", Morris Michtom and his wife Rose introduce the first teddy bear in America.
  • 1942 - Singapore falls. Denmark trips, but says he's all right and gets up again.
  • 1992 - Prefix "e-" is invented. Kitten death rate triples.
  • 1995 - Bill Murray repeats himself.
  • 1996 - Bill Murray humps Andie MacDowell again.
  • 2012 - SOPA passes, internet ends.

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February 4: International Nobody Does Anything Interesting Day

  • 220 - Emperor Cao Cao of the Han Dynasty, knowing the end is near, has the imperial chef make him his favorite sandwich.
  • 1066 - Celtic warlords, finding the weather too poor to do battle, take a water break.
  • 1142 - Starving peasants in medieval Brandenburg continue to starve.
  • 1877 - Charles Dickens has constipation, contemplates going to the doctor.
  • 1943 - Hitler finds some time out of his day to play with his dog Blondi.
  • 1968 - Lyndon B. Johnson drinks some really bad coffee, tells his wife.
  • 1977 - Eric Clapton orders a tuna sandwich from the deli but is given egg salad instead, doesn't notice until he gets home.
  • 1989 - Gerald Strauss, of Utica, New York, finally starts listening to R.E.M.
  • 2004 - Mark Zuckerberg invents the Facebook status, making Nobody Does Anything Interesting Day an everyday holiday.

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February 5: Peyton Manning does everything including playing in the Super Bowl Day

  • 1678 - Roman king farted on trees.
  • 406 - Peyton Manning sacked by the Central Asian Huns in Super Bowl -MDLXI... wait, that was the Romans... my bad.
  • 1066 - Peyton Manning, king of Normandy, conquers England.
  • 1152 - Peyton Manning almost makes it to Super Bowl -DCCCXV but he loses the AFC Championship after getting sacked five times by the Frankfurt Galaxy's linebacker Frederick Barbarossa.
  • 1215 - Peyton Manning thinks up concept of Magna Carta.
  • 1492 - Peyton Manning sails the ocean blue.
  • 1588 - Peyton Manning defeats the Spanish Armada.
  • 1688 - Peyton Manning takes power in England after the Glorious Revolution. Indianapolis Colts QB William of Orange offers to trade jobs with him. Peyton accepts.
  • 1776 - Peyton Manning leads the Continental Army across the Delaware River in an assault on Trenton, NJ.
  • 1777 - Peyton Manning's child is born to his female slave Sally Hemmings.
  • 1788 - Peyton Manning secretly ghostwrites one of the Federalist Papers. Sadly, he forgot which one.
  • 1813 - Peyton Manning exiled to Elba.
  • 1860 - Peyton Manning signs the Emancipation Proclimation before Ol' Abe does.
  • 1995 - Peyton Manning is forced to freshman practice squad after younger brother Eli Manning punches him in the crotch for stealing the last Fruit-by-the-foot.
  • 1996 - Peyton Manning studies for sociology quiz.
  • 1998 - Peyton Manning goes snorkeling in the Bahamas.
  • 2000 - Peyton Manning numb from another disapointing season, helps express his grim emotions by co-fouding the band Hawthorn Hights.
  • 2001 - Peyton Manning chats with Saudi leader concluding in "Hey, have you ever tried a flight simulator, real-stuff??".
  • 2003 - Peyton Manning plays Bocce with Marvin Harrison.
  • 2006 - Peyton Manning sits on couch with a brewskie, watches repeats of Real World/Road Rules Challenge on MTV and tries to figure out how Beth got to be captain.
  • 2006 - Peyton Manning Is revealed to be Superman
  • 2007 - Peyton Manning Timetravels.
  • 2007 - Peyton Manning comes out as a nazi and eats Polish Sausage with his defeated team.
  • 2008 - Peyton Manning holds Climate Change meeting with The Grinch.
  • 2019 - Peyton Manning, in a confused spasm of rage, accidentally misprints the date of the year while filing his taxes and is whisked away to the year 2019. He is saddened to learn that he will only play in the Super Bowl once in his lifetime. Peyton also surprised to find out he only lives to the age of 42.

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Nihilism
 

February 6: Nihilism Day

February 6: Charles II of England, like many rich men of his time, chokes on his neck high stockings and dies of subsequent kidney dysfunction. His death is partially attributed to the fact that instead of calling a doctor, he called to God and possibly ascended to Heaven prematurely.

February 6: In a remote part of the world, a genius is born. In his head are mathematical formulas and the formation of theories so dense that he, being an infant unable to express himself, bursts into tears. Yet no one bothers with the prodigy, assuming that he is another blood thirsty infant who should be neither seen nor heard. Thus the genius can only sit innocently, waiting for someone to acknowledge him.

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February 7: National Don't Memorize Your Lines Day

  • 33 - Jesus memorized his lines.
  • 1756 - Oscar Wilde opens in a play for which he did not memorize his lines. He improvs the whole play, to everyone's amazement. This dialogue was the basis for Wilde's 'The Importance of Being Ernest'. It also lead the consequent discovery of cheese.
  • 1823 - ummmmm... Line!
  • 1876 - Steam locomotive forgets its lines, derails, crashes, kills hundreds. Fuckwit.
  • 1901 - Sherlock Holmes forgets his "lines".
  • 1968 - Two Runners have their gold medals taken away in the Mexico City Olympics because they had their lines memorized
  • 1975 - American troops in Vietnam forget their lines. The A team were wrongly accused of this. They promptly escaped using a combination of Bill Clintons cigars, a cabbage launcher and Mr T's pity. The rest is history.
  • 1991 - A flood takes to Norways streets.
  • 1998 - OMEs were going to declare war on the emos....but they forgot their lines.
  • 2005 - This was the day the All Mighty Muffin Lord took over Earth Beta. He conquered the previous ruler, because he had his lines memorized.
  • 2007 - All Mighty Muffin Lord forgets his lines and is killed by the Earth Beta version of Peyton Manning (who is, in this timeline, a neo-Nazi overlord).
  • 2008 - Uhh.... What was I going to say?
  • 2008 - Don't know what happened today? Well if you'd learned your lines you'd know what this was going to say. Tough shit.
  • 2011 - You read this on the main page because you forgot your lines.
  • 2012 - Cure for cancer is found, but due to fears of the Movie I Am Legend it is destroyed.

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February 8: Worship an Idol day (Canaan), Weorshcipe an Heathern God Dai (Eald England)


  • 4527 BC - The Eald Englanders worship Odin, although he had not yet obtained an official God licence (for your own contact 0800-GOD-LICENCE-PLEASE (US only)), as he was licenced under Zeus (0300).
  • 1856 BC - Hebrews arrive at the Promised Land, start worshipping Baal (then no licence, now under 2110).
  • 1020 BC - Rome built in 23hours and 58 minutes
  • 33 BC - Jesus visits 50 people at the same time and laughs about how they try to explain it while watching from his cloud
  • 76 AD - Roman Philosopher John Malkberry publishes his masterpiece, "Indoor Plumbing, the Devil Incarnate".
  • 77 - Rome is destroyed by Typhoid.
  • 1819 - Mary Shelly creates Frankenstein. The beast runs amok and destroys most of the species on Earth. Charles Darwin is inspired by this and together with Richard Dawkins creates the theory of evilution.
  • 1925 - Rl'yeh rises from the ocean floor. Cthulhu Cult rejoices. The rest of the world shits their pants.
  • 2001 - California Adventure establishes its independence from Disneyland, with the aid of terrorists Don al-Duck and Hewey Hussein.

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February 9: International Tourettes Day

N501950871 112053 6473

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February 10: International Bad Pun Day

  • 2-First recorded bitch slap
  • 1104 - Potato famine engulfs Ireland. Panhandling Leprechauns flood the cities because they're a little short
  • 1105 - Irish Potato Phantom claims responsibility for bitter harvest.
  • 1390 - Bread is invented. Everybody proposes a toast to the inventor of bread.
  • 1391 - Sliced Bread is invented. This is the greatest thing invented since bread itself.
  • 1392 - Toast is invented. Everybody proposes a bread to the inventor of toast.
  • 1890 - Oscar Wilde's new play "Pun" is first performed in London. Critics describe it as a "play on words".
  • 1950 - Future French actor Jean Reno is asked whether he wants to go to the toilet. "Oui, Oui" he replies.
  • 1951 - Avocado discovers the mol. Scientific community dismisses him when he claims that they are not, in fact, brown and fuzzy.
  • 1954 - Inventor of the handshake chokes while ingesting his own creation. Doctors attempted to finger force the patient but couldn't nail the problem in time. He died on the way to the hospital.
  • 1965 - Pele gets his balls kicked by a fellow team member. Fortunately, his club is able to replace them and allows him to continue training.
  • 1970 - Winnie the Pooh's son is born, Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo.
  • 1973 - Describing his spiritual journey into heavy metal, Jimmy Page admits that he was "led" into it.
  • 1975 - Colorado Christian Boarding School-boy Dick Face is insulted for the first time. I would not be his last.
  • 1977 - French President Mitterand explains at a press conference that he doesn't like too many eggs for breakfast as one egg is 'un oeuf'.
  • 1980 - Various case studies indicate you can put things in them and carry them by their handles.
  • 1981 - Bono and The Edge agree that they, too, like the Canadian Punk band "U".
  • 1985 - Das Boot, a German film about gender neutral enclosed footwear, is released.
  • 1996 - "Punny" added to the Oxford dictionary. Subsequent bonfire nearly engulfs America.
  • 1997 - During a fight with Evander Holyfield, Mike Tyson's British trainer exclaims "What's this 'ere?"
  • 1999 - The world's first cyborg can't fix himself because he is broke.
  • 2008 - The Tea Room of Mercy Hospital, Australia, has its grand opening with hair in its tea, since the Koala tea of Mercy is not strained.
  • 2017 - Walmart opens 1st store in Iraq. The only thing that was in its way before was that there was a target on every corner. Walmart stocks spike due to increase in Game department.
  • 2018 - Walmart bans sale of firearms at Iraqi stores based on public outcry due to increased violence in Kuwait.
  • 2019 - Walmart reinstates sales of firearms due to lost revenue.
  • 2031 - Juan Pablo Montoya is shot to death. Police believe the weapon to be a golf gun, because it made a hole in Juan.
  • 2067 - The Roman Catholic church is finally bereft of nuns. There were none left.
  • 2100 - Hugh Gass realises he has a huge ass.

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February 11: Latin day

  • 477 - Lorem Ipsum, dolor sit amet,
  • 530 - Consectetuer adipiscing elit.
  • 844 - Suspendisse commodo magna.
  • 917 - Fusce fermentum odio sed libero.
  • 1120 - Suspendisse auctor ornare libero.
  • 1285 - Phasellus non mauris nec nibh cursus vulputate.
  • 1346 - Curabitur fringilla metus sit amet eros.
  • 1417 - Aenean pretium,
  • 1508 - Mi vel pretium ultrices,
  • 1609 - Urna justo cursus nunc,
  • 1663 - Sed fringilla ligula sapien vel nulla.
  • 1776 - Rome is invaded by Barbarians, meaning you don't have to learn what this means.
  • 1873 - Some idiot decides that you should learn it anyway, and Latin classes are created.
  • 1917 - In Russia Sovietica te Latina discet.
  • 1920 - "Forma papillarum quam fuit apta premit" is translated for the first time by a 13 year old. Sniggering is invented.
  • 1944 - Omesay idiotay illskay ethay astlay idiotay anday ecidesday atthat ouyay ouldshay earnlay Igpay Atlinlay insteaday.
  • 1975 - Vae victus!
  • 1989 - Carpe abdominum, caveat nauseum, jetsam creamius cornium. Ecch.
  • 2006 - Mater tua tam obesa est ut cum Romae est, urbs habet octo colles.
  • 2007 - The Latin-Canadian war ends.Canada is the victor.
  • 2008 - Futue te ipsum et caballerum tuum
  • 2009 - E Pluribus Unum

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February 12: International write in Graeco-Latin day (Graeco-Rome)

  • 3+3=3: Rutty, toot, toot, toot'n Graneco-Labrador fiesta!
  • 444: Yo' momma.
  • 555: Stan's stanies, the Stannites, instan Stan.
  • 666: Satan's satanies, the Satannites, insatan Satan.
  • 777: Santa's santaies, the Santaites, insanta Santa.
  • 888: With No one left, the Barbarians invade Rome for the sake of it.
  • 999: To commemerate this loss, Graceo-Roman Day is celebrated. We just wanted to tell you the history first.
  • 1809: The holy profit of Evolutionism, Charles Darwin is born.
  • 101010: Ouidis cognis qui, ma Helle-Romanis di est non iubil.
  • 111111: Id qua.
  • 121212: Extra insanis numers plus ad datus.
  • 131313: Lorem Ipsum, dolar sit amet...
  • 1337-1337: L0rem 1p5um, d01ar 5i1 am31000
  • 141414: Igpay Atinlay inay useay.
  • 151515: Pigay Greekay niay seiay.
  • 161616: Gpiay Reekgay-Manroay inay eusay.
  • 181818: Ganroay peekhay roy.

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February 13: Simple English for Republicans Day

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February 14: International Suck Day

  • 32 - Jesus Christ contracts bad case of crabs from Mary Magdalene.
  • 35 - New cure for crabs invented that does not involve crucifiction.
  • 69 - Two young lovers get it on in a groovy new position.
  • 269 - St Valentinus is castrated, horsewhipped and disembowelled. 1500 years later, this day is celebrated through romance.
  • 1799 - Bad pun day in history - Apparently, James Cook was killed on the Sandwich Islands. Historians aren't laughing.
  • 1852 - Ash Ketchum says "I choo choo choose you" to Ted Williamson shortly before his death by being hit by a train.
  • 1917 - In Soviet Russia, woe is you
  • 1994 - Canada successfully build space shuttle capable of flying back to Earth
  • 2000 - Some people are woefully alone on this day.
  • 2001 - Everyone who was woefully alone in 2000 is still alone on this day.
  • 2002 - They're still woefully alone.
  • 2003 - One of the people who is woefully alone proposes an alternative holiday, entitled Go Out With A Loser Who Has Never Had A Date Day. However, no girl will still talk to him.
  • 2004 - Not willing to give up, the guy who made the holiday in 2003 decides to make Trek-mance Connection. Now, even nerdy girls still won't talk to him, and everyone mocks his horrible naming skills.
  • 2005 - Lonely guy starts an Emo band. Bandmates ask him not to name the band. Girls still won't talk to him.
  • 2009 - St Valentinus is reborn and executed for the second time for molesting small farm animals.
  • 2010 - St Valentinus is reincarnated as a charismatic frog and gets away with years of outrageous self-abuse.view -

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February 15: It Just Got Out Of Hand Day

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February 16: Abolition of Human Rights Day (South Africa), International "That's what she said!" Day

  • 1792 - Frenchmen celebrate new Rights of Man by beheading people they disagree with.
  • 1861 - American Civil War begins with argument over whether black people should be owned and mistreated or just kicked around and mistreated.
  • 1917 - The Russian Revolution begins in Soviet Russia.
  • 1924 - Human Rights abolish Soviet Russia.
  • 1937 - Wallace H. Carothers receives an enema after realizing that a thick thread of nylon was not a substitute for a dick.
  • 1949 - Nineteen Eighty-Four published. It was a book written to commemorate the upcoming first year of the alienation of human rights.
  • 1968 - The endless war ends.
  • 1985 - Nineteen Eighty-Four is "unofficially" taken out of circulation. This move was entirely the publisher's choice, and had nothing to do with the government.
  • 1989 - Tonka wins contract to supply China with toy tanks to run over protestors.
  • 2001 - The endless war is revived under the name "War on Terror".
  • 2006 - All human rights cease to be meaningful in the United States as the Republican Party legalizes the hunting of humans. Cheney gets first shot.
  • 2006 - George W. Bush abolishes human rights in the United States of America. NSA uncovers the body of George W. Bush jr. in a mason jar together with some pickles which they then ate.
  • 2008 - General Grievous starts smokeing menthols..... Quickly changes back to reds.
  • 2007 - Cheney wipes out all Democrats in the White House with his shotgun. Dismissed as a hunting accident.
  • 2009 - George W. Bush is trampled to death by a heterophobic gay horny rhino on a visit to Nigeria.
  • 2010 - 'The War on Terror' is re-named 'The War on people looking at you funny'
  • 2011 - You read this blurb of text.
  • 2345 - Dick Cheney has sex with a horse. Centaurs are born.
  • 2395 - Cheney Centaurs roam the earth wielding shotguns and shooting everyone in the face in various hunting accidents.
  • 9595 - Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past travels back in time to harass you.

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February 17: International Gay, Lesbian, Transexual and Bisexual (GATTICA) Day.

  • 28 BC - Jesus informs his disciples that he's gay. They all laugh at his little joke and proceed to gangbang Mary Magdelene.
  • 29 BC - Mary Magdeline is found in a dark room with lipstick all over her face, abusing herself in a mirror.
  • 2001 - HAL 9000, a homophobic computer, attempts to kill two gay dudes on a spaceship. Hilarity ensues.
  • 2004 - People named Gaylord are rapidly asked if they have ever watched the television show "Gaylords say no". Most say no.
  • 2006 - You finally forget about your miserable Valentine's Day, only to be tormented by this reminder.
  • 2008 - USA bombs some country because one of its citizens made some USA guy get STDS.
  • 2009 - Rabbit ears are officially obsolete in America. By law, lagomorphs across the nation must upgrade to sonar.
  • 2009 - John Prescott is violently molested by a fanatical Pavarotti obsessive
  • 2009 - John Prescott is discovered at the corner of downing street in a corset and fish-net tights attempting to whore himself out to passing single parents. He is quickly put back on tranquilisers, ceasing all higher brain functions and allowing normal command of the country to resume
  • 2019 - Denmark is officially recognised as a mistake and erased from history
  • 2040 - all world languages are revoked and replaced with American, a language consisting soley of words with one syllable or less
  • 3010 - Iraq War resolved to the saisfaction of all thanks to the complete absence of Iraq.

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February 18: Penis Day (not Canada)

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Kuntry'stein by adj

February 19: Equation Day (Pieland)


  • 1200 BC: Pi*e/(mc2=Pie/e=3.14159_ad-infinitum
  • 500 BC:  China+gunpowder(stupid)=great+wall
  • 33 BC: jesus+2(knock)=it*s(jesus)+lol
  • 1200 AC: Pie*e*Pi*3.14*3=14159_ad-infinitum
  • 1200 DC: PPie*Ee*P*i1.337*69=14159_ad-infinitum
  • 1300 CD: 1+1=1154
  • 1337 ACDC: Life+Universe+Everything=42
  • 1984 BC: (smokingdope + alreadystoned) <> gettinghigher
  • 1985 BC: (smokingdope + alreadystoned) == lowerondope
  • 2400 AD: (adam + eve)+ oven= pi (adam not got enough pi (adam+eve+oven)+bette midler=enough pi+satisfied adam
  • 2401 AD: This Year + Last Year = Death of Humans

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February 20:Twenty / Twenny / 7uun3d dispute day.

  • 11-twenty: Twenty is the commonly accepted spelling of the word pronounced 20.
  • 12-twenny: Twenny is da commonly Xepted spellin of 20.
  • 13-7uun3d: U h4u3 733n 7uun3d!
  • 14-20: People decide to spell twenty twenny 7uun3d 20 as '20'.
  • 15-twenty - 16-twenny - 17-7wn3d: Disputes abowt 20 have been pwn3d by God.
  • 20-20: hindsight is twenny 7uun3d
  • 7uun3d-f1r57 (3n7ury: 1337 15 7h3 n4710n41 14n9u493 0f 34r7h, 50 '7uun3d' 15 7h3 (0rr3(7 593111n9 0f '20'.
  • 2003: In the honour of twenty, the Twenty20 cricket form has been introduced.

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February 21: Rearlee rong spelin dai (Amerika, Cannerderr and Grate Britten)

  • 1769 - Ozzy Osbourne bourne.
  • 1873 - 1337, 7h3 wr0ng 5p3111ng, app3ar5.
  • 1895 - Wyoming and Collorado jion together as one state.
  • 1904 - Art Deco is born in Grand Rapids, Michigan to Dick and Deena Deco.
  • 1919 - Wurst fowl-up of pealed bore eight buy sum-won who's grandma wee warship like yawl due ware yew mite in whales.
  • 1933 - Hiter beeganz kanzer warr.
  • 1936 - Grey becoumes everyoune's favourite colour
  • 1976 - Vetanam conkered bye Amerikan Arme.
  • 2000 - Some adventurous Uncyclopedian makes a 'Selected Anniversaries' entry which is grammatically perfect, using proper English and without spelling mistakes; his reasoning being that just because something is not true, it does not mean that it has to be nonsensical.
  • 2004 - Mexican becomes official language of California.
  • 2006 - So I herd u liek Mudkip.
  • 2007 - Amerikass fayveryte brekfirst beecums "Scramah egg, baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy"
  • 2008 - Chiknees peple dye becuz of ratz yer.

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February 22: Internaional SPAM page day

Tripspam

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February 23: 21st Anniversary of teh Internets

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February 24: I don't care what day it is.

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February 25: 1337 d4y (133714)

  • 1966 - Palestinians informed that they are not the Chosen People. Jews celebrate, only to be told that they, also, are not the Chosen People.
  • 1337 - 1337 15 c0mm0n.
    • 1337 - Chuck Norris, Mr. T, and Albert Einstein are born. The world almost explodes. They said they'd kill me if this was done in 1337.
  • 1338 - 1337 mysteriously falls out of usage. Chuck Norris, Mr. T, and Albert Einstein put into cryogenic freeze until the 20th century.
  • 1980 - Al Gore creates the year 1980
  • 1997 - Space is invented.
  • 3137 - 173471041nrnn 1337 4494nrm 4dy.
  • 7331 - 5dr4wkc4b 51 7331.
  • π - F**k it, no one can read it anyway.
  • 7331337 - In Soviet Russia, 1337 can't f**king read YOU!!
  • ... - AFK day.
  • N00B - WTFWJDFAKBZOMGLM AOROTFLOLZOMGBBQHAXNOOB13 37KAMSABP11!!111 !!1!1(WHAT THE F **K WOULD JESUS DO FOR A KLONDIKE BAR ZOH MY GOD LAUGHING MY A SS OFF ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUG HING OUT LOUD ZOH MY GOD BA RBECUE HACKS NOOB LEET KOOL-AID MAN SAUSAGE AN D BACON POUTINE11!!111!!1!1)
  • 1985 - Bill Gates invents Glass and pwns everyone on his computer
  • 2005 - Man finds God then loses him again
  • 2011 - A Trouser Snake named Sherlock beats IBM super computer Watson in a game of Cluedo.
  • 2012 - George W. Bush replaces Tony Blair as Middle-East Peace Envoy, Sauron said to be looking forward to talks.

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Portrait

February 26: Famous Last Words day

  • 123 BC - "To the ASSHOLE!" - Alexander the Gay
  • 37 AD - "Wha..." -- Jesus, on cross
  • 433 - "...." -- John Cage
  • 666 - "Pity me." -- Satan (on Mr.T)
  • 777 - "AAA" - AAA
  • 1332 - "What's my name?" -- Anonymous , his only sentences that didn't yet quote !!!!!
  • 1881 - "Who is it , Who is it" -- Billy the Kid
  • 1900 - "My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go." -- Oscar Wilde
  • 1900 - "As much as I hate him, Oscar is right. I would not want to change a thing." -- Mark Twain
  • 1920 - "It can't end like this. Tell them I said something." -- Pancho Villa is hit by history's most unfortunately-timed case of writer's block.
  • 1939 - "This is absurd ! This is absurd !" -- Sigmund Freud , after reading Waiting for Godot 1,111 times.
  • 1939 - "No! Mine are more absurd than this crap." -- Albert Camus , in reply to Sigmund (MotherF*cker) Freud refered that his works are more absurd.
  • 1939 - "Who care about absurdity , Hell are others." -- Jean Paul Sartre , in reply to Albert Camus
  • 1939 - "I am dying. Please...bring me a toothpick." -- Fred, after reading Waiting for Godot 99,999 times
  • 1939 - "See! This one is more absurd that you two !!" -- Jean Paul Sartre , awaken from his grave to make some last words and then sleep again.
  • 1945 - "Later, suckas!" -- Adolf Hitler, in his muthafuckin' bunker, yo.
  • 1945 - "Peace out, bitches!" -- Jozef Goebbels comin' at you live, also from A to the D to the Hizzle's concrete crib, yo.
  • 1955 - "Watah.......Wahtah" -- Helen Keller
  • 1960 - "Shaken , not St..." -- James BonBon, on being shaken to death by a bar owner before he can finish his Martini.
  • 1967 - "I know you've come to kill me. Shoot, you are only going to kill a man." -- Che Guevara, where 'only going to kill a man' mean that he'll be later revived as zombie and sticker-tags.
  • 1989 - "Doh!" - Homer Simpson
  • 1999 - "Chuck Norris who?" - Some guy about to find out
  • 2000 - HOLD MY BEER WATCH THIS.... - Unknown
  • 1999 - "Tomorrow, I shall no longer be here." -- Nostradamus, his only one prediction that came true.
  • 2006 - "And this rope is of shitty quality!" -- Saddamn complaining his ass into his grave.
  • 2007 - "This is an Arrow!" -- Spartan Guy from Horrible movie
  • 2007 - "Snort..snort....snoooooorrrttttt!" - Some guy about to OD on Kitten Huffing.
  • 2008 - "Phdugy'dufc eibgs'ghib kuikhigihdmvgh's" -- Cthulhu
  • 2111 - "Hey Hey , My My... whatever, I'm going to die!!!" -- Neil Young
  • 2175 - "I'm dying...so that I'm not going to live anymore." -- Captain Obvious
  • 2175 - "Am I Dying? Really? What are "last words" anyway?" -- Captain Oblivious
  • 2345 - "What's this button do???" -- George W. Bush the 7th
  • 2456 - "WarniT!" -- Jesus Goffer
  • The End of Everything - "Sorry for the inconvenience" God
  • 1969-"This is one small step for HOLY...!"--Neil Armstrong

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February 27: Banjo Impressions Day.

  • 1972: Diwn diwndiwn, diwn diwn, diwn diwn, diwn diwn
  • 1982: Banjo impressions are banned in Alabama during its Third Five-Year Plan.
  • 1985: deh de dew dew dew dew dew dew , dew........deh de dew dew dew dew dew dew , dew.
  • 1986: He's got a real pretty mouth on him, don't he?
  • 1994 - Top of the Flops debuts on BBC Two, earning a place at No.1 on this show results in a £10,000,000 fine. Madonna was the first Number One with Played Like a Banjo.
  • 1998: Nintendo and Rareware officially release Banjo-Kazooie, brief fad of impersonating a bear hits America
  • 2006: Apple's iRon topped selling charts for the first time.
  • 2007: Pokemon Olive a pokemon game was supposed to come out but didn't.
  • 2040: Intel creates the world's fastest computer processor, "Idiot Inside"
  • 2050: Apple sued for putting Michael Jackson in its iRon ads
  • 2645: Ting Tong playing Ping pong with King Kong in Hong Kong.
  • 2846: Ping-Pong merrilly on high...
  • 2847: Your mom plays my banjo... if you know what I mean.
  • 3007: Dr. Zoidberg plays spin the bottle with Dick Cheney and wins Bush's best tie, and a badger.
  • 3009: Smart humans invent The Banjo and make 23 billion songs. Five Published, millions buy Albums, $10 made.

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February 28: Bad 1337 Xpletive day (M41133714)

  • 0037 - Using "eleven" or any variant in exclamation breaks no longer in vogue.
  • 1337 - 4(!!!1!111!!!!eleven!!!!
  • 1373 - R0( 0'D0nn1!!!!1!!!11onehundredandeleven!!
  • 1733 - 58422u(!!1!!!!!1!onethousandonehundredandeleven!!!!!
  • 1961 - man invents viagra.
  • 2010 - those damn n00bs and IP fags give a birth of this cocksucking anniversary page!11!!eleven!1!1211
  • 2012 - beer better than anything

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Foree roger rockmore

February 29: Ken Foree's Birthday (USA)

Now where did I leave that thing? anniversary. The day which kids hate to be born on as they only have birthday every four years. (USA)

March 2 (Canada) -- Canadians believe that we should lose a day instead of gaining an extra one.

  • 0000 - 29th of Feb is invented to piss off kids worldwide who were born on this day, just for the hell of it.
  • 1818 - February 30 had been bombed by Spongebob. Now it doesn't exist anymore.
  • 1900 - The whole world panics since the day seems to be missing.
  • 1948 - Ken Foree is born
  • 1948 - Canadians decide to mock Americans by reducing the number of days to 364. This leads to the American-Canadian War.
  • 1966 - Al Gore invents the letter "B"
  • 1978 - Ken Foree rises to superstardom in Dawn of the Dead at the age of 30 and then realizes he's only 7 years old.
  • 1996 - Ken Foree punishes Kenan for forgetting his birthday again.
  • 1999 - The Power Rangers got trapped in a large pizza and the trapped the pizza in themselves.
  • 2000 - Ken Foree's Birthday is declared a national holiday; the uproar caused by this forces Kenan and Kel into cancellation.
  • 2004 - George W. Bush postpones the next Febuary 29th until 2008, France goes on strike.
  • 2006 - President Kerry realizes a) that he did not win the election, and b) that today is actually March 1.
  • 2008 - George W. Bush postpones the next Febuary 29th until 2012.
  • 2008 - Uncyclopedia celebrates its first leap year. Awww, and I remember when it was just a little tyke in diapers...
  • 2009 - President Clinton travels to Canada and can't figure out what day it is... and to make it worse, it's NOT a leap year!!!
  • 2012 - 40-yr-old kid celebrates his 10th birthday.

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