From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
- 1000 BC - Santa Claus invents Festivus - "a holiday for the rest of us"
- 56-58 AD - St. Paul, ever in the spirit of Festivus, bitches about the Thessalonians in his monumental Third Epistle to the Thessalonians.
- 1817 - Satan receives a Batman tie for Festivus.
- 1818 - Satan declares giving presents at Festivus to be pagan
- 1823 - The poem A Visit from St. Festivus is first published.
- 1888 - Dutch painter Vincent van Gogh cuts off his left ear and gives it to a prostitute, much to her distress (mainly because all she'd gotten him was a tie).
- 1938 - Immigrants from the Old Country bring over the Festivus Pole to America.
- 1954 - The first successful organ transplant is performed (following the success of the first piano transplant, the previous year).
- 1997 - Festivus is parodied on Seinfeld
- 2006 - The son of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the Macaroni, is born.
- 2007 - You and Your mom duke it out in the Feats of Strength. Your Mom promptly beats your ass.
- 2009 - John Kerry re-invents the internet--claiming that Al Gore did a crappy job the first time.
- 2012 - The world is destroyed when Satan and God go at it in the Feats of Strength.