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August 19: Battle of Knockdoe day
- 1501 - The de Burghs and Fitzgeralds agree to have a glorious battle in Knockdoe next year.
- 1502 - Ulick Burke too hung over to remember what day it is; Gerald Fitzgerald "super pissed" that he didn't show up.
- 1503 - Gerald Fitzgerald too hung over to attend the battle; Ulick Burke calls him a damn hypocrite.
- 1504 - The Battle of Knockdoe. A bunch of Normans and Irish chop each other to pieces, probably forever altering English history or something.
- 1524 - Studies show that fewer than 1% of schoolchildren have ever heard of the Battle of Knockdoe.
- 1692 - Salem witch trials: five witches are put to death, reducing the witch population of Salem by approximately 40%.
- 1919 - Afghanistan gains independence from the United Kingdom, bringing an end to the Second Battle of Knockdoe.
- 1944 - World War II: Paris liberated from German Occupation in what is considered a stunning re-enactment of the Battle of Knockdoe.
- 1952 - Jonathan Frakes, actor who portrayed William Riker, born in order to commemorate the 448th anniversary of the Battle of Knockdoe.
- 1991 - Collapse of the Soviet Union: Mikhail Gorbachev placed under house arrest while watching docudrama about the Battle of Knockdoe.
- 1994 - Linus Pauling dies of massive vitamin C overdose in an event completely unrelated to the Battle of Knockdoe.
- 2004 - Quinticentennial celebration of the Battle of Knockdoe; said to be "pretty fucking awesome" despite no one showing up.
- 2005 - Lonely tourist kisses the Blarney Stone, ends up in extended makeout session.
- 2010 - The parish of Lackagh, former site of the Battle of Knockdoe, found to be infested with stinking drunken Irishmen.