August 13: Welcome Visitors From Space Day
- 66 million BCE - A meteor impact wipes out the dinosaurs, with tiny mammals learning to either smile or laugh at them after the dust clears.
- 4200 BCE - Egyptians spoof future generations by faking artwork of spaceships and aliens during the reign of Jaye Davidson I.
- 2207 BCE - Elijah attempts to ascend to heaven in a spaceship but is taken off forcibly by United Airlines personnel for being "too beardy".
- 457 BCE - Mayans who are also in on the joke fake artwork showing spaceships, knowing that their descendants could make a good living selling fake artifacts to gullible UFOlogists.
- 1620 - The Pilgrim Fathers eagerly await the landing of aliens from outer space, otherwise spending their free time attacking and murdering Quakers and Indians, in no particular order.
- c.1680 - Space aliens give Belgians the technology to develop a death ray weapon to gain their independence from Spain. It turns out to be a great way to fry potatoes, too. Sadly, this would only lead to to war with France over the term "French fries".
- 1898 - The first case of alien abduction occurs with blue aliens kidnapping some green ones.
- 1940 - Great Britain installs the first radar station to detect alien spacecraft. Upon finding that German bombers get tangled in the antenna arrays, they build more.
- 1947 - The first flying saucer is reported. Previous alien craft were reported as being wheel-, horse-, ocean liner- or cigar-shaped.