1122 - Sharpened crucifixes prove to be unpopular "throws" from Mardi Gras floats. Instead, since the church has a huge surplus of them, saints, living or dead, are flung into the crowds. The saints would be torn apart by revelers fighting over them. This accounts for the large number of holy relics like single bones that survive today.
1479 - Pope Sixtus IV inaugurates Vatican Mardi Gras, a celebration of sexuality which is the only day of the year that Catholics are allowed to celebrate sex, dress provocatively, engage in sexual intercourse, expose themselves to crowds, and drink from extremely tall, thin vessels.
1489 - The antipope Mellus Gibsonus I inaugurates Freaky Friday, a day of religious reflection where heavy drinking triggers racism and homophobia, with denial added to avoid a trip to the local psych ward or jail.
1829 - Pius VIII initiates the tradition of throwing beads to nuns and screaming "Show us your tits!". (pictured)
1872 - Dentists conspire to create King cakes containing a small baby figurine to break people's teeth. Little did they realize that the Vatican sewers are full of alligator people who not only develope a taste for the babies from King cakes but human babies as well.
1914 - Pope Pius X is killed in a collision between carnival floats. The driver had become distracted after Pius threw beads to a group of nuns.