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- 10,000,000 B.C - Grim Reaper born
- 468 BC - Hashish is patented by the Incas
- 1220 A.D. - The Dark Ages are briefly illuminated by a massive explosion in Syria
- 1666 - Sir Marquis Baron Vivaldi walk to the crossroad and sold his soul to Satan
- 1777 - Vivaldi wrote first Satanic backward message later stolen by Led-Zep dudes
- 1888 - Vivaldi return from Hell and compose new record "A Change of Four Season" later stolen by regressive metal band Dream Theater exclude the word "Four"
- 1945 - Someone proclaim that if you play John Cage's 4'33" backward you'll hear Vivaldi's 2nd Satanic message.
- 1948 - The Marshall Mathers plan to flood Europe with rap music commences.
- 1974 - Tornadoes sweep the U.S.A, inspiring the invention of the tumble drier.
- 1982 - Heavy Metal dude release Vivaldi's tribute album "Ultimate Classical Bong"
- 1986 - D.J. murder rate at all-time high, blamed on the provocative lyrics of a single by hardcore rap collective The Smiths.
- 1996 - The Unabomber is arrested for crimes against tasteful nomenclature.
- 1995 - Due to a Linux error, April 3 1997 actually starts in 1995.
- 2007 - "Bloody Vivaldi and the Martini Gore" the Baroque Death Metal Vivaldi's tribute band formed.