Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/April 24

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Myasshurts
April 24: The Feast of Maximum Occupancy, Zombie Jesus Day (Christians and Eggnogstics)
  • 33 - Zombie Jesus rises from his tomb and partially devours the brains of his apostles, resulting in most of the inane ramblings in The New Testament.
  • 89 - Pope Clement I celebrates the first Zombie Jesus Day by decreeing that people consume copious amounts of high cholesterol in the form of chocolate and painted chicken embryos.
  • 1353 - Badger maulings reach record levels in Europe.
  • 1704 - The first regular newspaper is published in America: The Boston New-Letter, containing overly-opinionated columns and hyped-up headlines. Circulation soars.
  • 1856 - The word 'chairman' is introduced to the Oxford English Dictionary as 'A person with a proclivity to stand sitting'.
  • 1862 - The Amerikan Sivil Whar on spelling begins, the letter u in color being the first victim.
  • 1981 - IBM create the first known evil computer.
  • 1982 - IBM reveals computer wasn't "evil", it was just running a Microsoft operating system.
  • 1984 - Apple builds the world's first do-nothing computer.
  • 1986 - Time begins, to the disappointment of trillions.
  • 1995 - The most amazing child on earth was born
  • 2000 - Fat-free chips withdrawn from supermarket shelves in the UK due to risk of intestinal implosion.
  • 2005 - George W. Bush declares, "America is officially full." Congress approves bypass for Haitian boatpeople to row to Canada.
  • 1995 - The most amazing child on earth was born
  • Today - You eat too much food and spend five hours on the toilet thinking of Uncyclopedia jokes.
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