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April 23: Bring Your Penis To Work Day
- 303 - St. George takes his penis to beat the dragon with. Dragon turns out to be into that kinda stuff.
- 1179 - Richard the Lionhearted attempts to engage King Philip of France in a penis sword fight; "Homo you don't!" replies Philip.
- 1538 - Truce of Nice: Emperor Charles V and Francis I of France agree that the terms foreskin and prepuce are interchangeable.
- 1562 - Elizabeth I vows not to take a penis to work, or her bed chamber.
- 1875 - Queen Victoria outlaws the word penis; decrees henceforth the organ shall be known as "Naughty Mr. Johnson".
- 1905 - The Royal Society compare penis sizes. Von Lynchenstein had the largest penis.
- 1909 - Czarina Alexandra beholds Rasputin's penis and won't let go.
- 1932 - California gets filled with the world's stockpile of penises.
- 1941 - Lead singer from Lordi enters a beauty contest against a penis. Penis wins.
- 1953 - Queen Elizabeth II announces that she shall confer upon the penis the title of Sir.
- 1967 - Bono is voted the "World's Biggest Penis".
- 1968 - Flower Power is replaced by Wind Power, and all the petals are blown away.
- 1971 - Penis arrives in the Castro.
- 1975 - President Gerald Ford announces that the Vietnam War is over, after an unfortunate misunderstanding over the soldiers running around with their penises in their hands.
- 1982 - ZX Spectrum released to the public, keyboard made completely of recycled condoms.
- 1993 - Bill Clinton becomes the first USA president since JFK to bring his penis to the white house.
- 2005 - The B-lizard's penis freezes and falls off. Adventure Quest voted the best game ever made by stoners.
- 2008 - Your mom forgets to pack your penis in your lunchbox. You get teased the rest of the day.
- 2009 - Tiger Woods brings his penis all over the place, including a Perkins Restaurant.