April 17: Genocide Appreciation Day

  • 455 BCE - Horton hears a Who and agrees with other animals to boil them in Beezle-nut oil. All die instantaneously except Keith Moon, who had already set himself on fire.
  • 50 CE - The Roman Empire invests in a program where Christians die for their own entertainment. Today, this program is known as Pay-Per-View.
  • 1783 - America wins its war for independence. It agrees to continue the British policy of deindianization.
  • 1525 - Cortéz kills all the dirty Aztecs and purifies Mexico by ordering his men to rape the Aztec women. All are thankful.
  • 1555 - After 18 months of siege, Siena surrenders to the Imperial army. The Republic of Siena is incorporated into the Grand Douche of The Dark Side. Italians begin tanning and fist pump their way to the coastal United States.
  • 1915 - The Armenian Genocide begins. Nobody cares. Still.
  • 1932 - Joseph Stalin starves his own people as a "practical joke"; thousands die.
  • 1940 - Adolf Hitler attempts to cleanse Europe of Jews and other minority groups; instead his efforts create resistant minorities that will eat his flesh alive.
  • 1960-something - The Beatthose write Hey Jude, a pro-genocidal song. Everyone loves it.
  • 1992 - While not really genocide related, Rodney King is found not guilty of beating two white policemen.
  • 1994 - The Rwandan genocide begins. Tutsis and Tootsie Rolls alike are mass exterminated.
  • 2005 - In a World of Warcraft incident, several mages perform an online funeral for their friend who died IRL. During the ceremony, they are interrupted and all are killed by a ruthless clan in a genocide-style extermination.
  • 2022 - The Americans decide to conquer and exterminate their not-so-friendly neighbors to the North, the Canadians.