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- 600 AB - Jesus takes a nap.
- 124 BC - Forgetting to file his taxes on time, Prometheus uninvents fire in an attempt to delay the deadline. The Sun foils his plans.
- 1022 - The Library of the Invisible Pink Unicorn is established in Sicily.
- 1943 - Jeremaiah Einstein was beaten with a really dirty stick while no one cared.
- 1945 - Orville Redenbacher begins work on The Manhattan Project.
- 1946 - Orville's rival begins work on The Ohio Project.
- 1955 - February's Groundhog leaves hole in total darkness, Spring decides not to come at all this year, skips straight to summer.
- 1962 The God Emperor of All Knobheads is born
- 1966 - Celebration of the Birth of Christ. Again.
- 1967 - Che Guevara takes a nap and wakes up in a CIA prison in Bolivia.
- 1969 - Sharon Stone comes out of retirement to become, at 78, the oldest woman to circumnavigate Arnold Schwartzenegger.
- 1979 - Mel Gibson goes mad & eliminates a rogue biker gang.
- 1985 - Battleship has reached a new record of kids killed through eating the little plastic peices with their ice-cream, mistaking them for sprinkles.
- 2049 - Rainbow Brite task force counter attacks, defeating Lord Zarquon in an epic battle involving at least three spork battles.