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ADOPTEES: Feel free to contact any available person on this list, but do so one at a time. We don't want any custody battles just because you gave your name to everyone on the list, and they all answered with a resounding YES. Patience.

We even have a wonderful ignorable color-coded system to help you out. Red means the adopter is not around. Green means the adopter is around. Gold means the adopter is an admin, dark green means the adopter is a penis, and blue mean the adopter likes cheesecake.

ADOPTERS: Got time to kill? Did your plant die and you're too cheap to buy a dog? PWN a n00b today for fun and profit, or lack of anything better to do.

(Start again.)

If you'd like to help new users to "succeed" here (whatever that means to you), by providing mentorship, sign up here. Just a few things to keep in mind:

  • Adopters should be available often to help their adoptees.
  • Adopters should have a minimum of 500 edits.
  • Adopters should not have any recent blocks (last 6 months) or vandalism (last 3 months).
  • Adopters should not be current adoptees.

edit Relatively active adopters

Adopter Admin? Accepting adoptees Activity On Uncyclopedia / Notes
Anton199 No I guess so. Wait, I mean yes. Yes, I do. Very irregular, but still quite significant (for me, at least). I have been an Uncyclopedia editor since early 1700s, when it was just starting out as a printed project no King or Tsar wanted to finance, hence I consider that the experience I have acquired is sufficient to help you out, if you need it. I've written a fair amount of articles, UnSignposts and reviews. I love collaborating on articles and discovering the way other people write, so we might work on something together - if you wish, of course.

You can talk to me here.

Frosty yes, no not really REPEALED sure why not? I am on most All days (I have no life you see), though occasionally I may disappear for a while. I do not write many articles, but I am happy to help those trying and offer advice. I mainly work behind the scenes and do the stuff you probably don't want to do. I own you therefore!

Contact me on my talk page.

Mhaille Maybe Pick up the phone, I'm always home. Call me any time. Around In a round about way this crazy page was actually my idea. Fairly decent record with featured images and articles, I consider myself pretty n00b-friendly.

Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap.

ScottPat No. Yes. That's why I'm on this page. I stick around a lot. I've been here, a while now and I know quite a bit about the site now. I've written many articles with some features and I'm chief editor of UnSignpost. I already help out random noobs who join anyway and welcome them so I joined this to make my helping official.
Squidfest No. I will help you either succeed or fail so spectacularly that you become legend. I am an avid reader of Uncyclopedia, and I have been lurking around the HowTos a lot. This is my life. Please. For the love of god, someone, anyone, talk to me. Despite being here for only a few months, I spend most of my time trying to learn how to be funny and not just stupid. I learned some of it the hard way, and have recieved my fair share of handjobs pats on the head for some of my work. If you want a way-too-eager collaborator, talk to me. Seriously. Come on, guys, don't make me beg.
180px-Symbol apathy vote.svg Zana Dark I'm far too smart to be an admin. Maybe if you give me chocolate. I'm around here somewhere... Lurking in the shadows... Every once in a while I'm funny, but it depends on who you ask... My specialties are templates, prose, formatting, and copious amounts of unlegal activity.

Just talk to me...

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