Uncyclopedia:AAN/Adopters
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ADOPTEES: Feel free to contact any available person on this list, but do so one at a time. We don't want any custody battles just because you gave your name to everyone on the list, and they all answered with a resounding YES. Patience.
We even have a wonderful color-coded system to help you out. Red means the adopter is not around. Green means the adopter is around. Gold means the adopter is an admin, dark green means the adopter is a penis, and blue mean the adopter likes cheesecake.
ADOPTERS: Got time to kill? Did your plant die and you're too cheap to buy a dog? PWN a n00b today for fun and profit, or lack of anything better to do.
(Start again.)
If you'd like to help new users to "succeed" here (whatever that means to you), by providing mentorship, sign up here. Just a few things to keep in mind:
- Adopters should be available often to help their adoptees.
- Adopters should have a minimum of 500 edits.
- Adopters should not have any recent blocks (last 6 months) or vandalism (last 3 months).
- Adopters should not be current adoptees.
| Adopter | Admin? | Adoption status | Activity | On Uncyclopedia | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays | You don't want an admin. They just spend their whole time talking about rollback and checkuser and bansticks. What you want is a cool young anarchist like me! | Not Now. | MIA | I've been a contributor for a while now, and written literally several articles (including a few features and a Poo Lit Surprise winner - for which I got $20 and "respect" so I've decided to give something back to the community I've | 1 Space available. |
| Cainad | Ha, ha! No. | No. | MIA | I've been a regular user here since February 2006. In that time, I've written about two dozen articles: most of them are mediocre, a few are good, and one was featured. My sense of humor is more droll than most, but I know basic formatting rules and what to look for in an article. If you want an adopter that totally won't overshadow you, I might be your ticket out of n00bdom. No refunds. | All full; bugger off! |
| Cajek | HA! that would be SO AWESOME! | I'll hook you up | Around | Uh, "previous" student of the master, TheLedBalloon. WotM, WHotM, RotM, Useless GOBSHITE of the month, FIYC, platinum reviewer, 16.5 features. I have previously adopted two, who are doing pretty good, despite talking about that soiled mattress where everyone can see it! | Contact me on my talk page, doods and doodettes. |
| CheddarBBQ | Naw, admins tend to not be to fond of me. Unless they're nice. Then they love me. | 1 successful graduate. Open for new arrivals. | I'm currently watching 229 pages and check my talk page about once every 20 seconds, so somewhat. | Hmm... Well, I am loved by many. I've written a few articles, including AFI, Thin Mints, and Leprechaun. I am the founder, leader, and only member of the Italian Uncyclopedian movement. I've created my own controversial version of the sandbox. I am an amazing user because of HowTo:Get Over Jenny, the #1 article of April '09 and possibly the greatest thing ever written. | I've had one graduated adoptee, Mahm00shA. Ask him about me, and if he says something bad, he's lying. |
| ChiefjusticeDS | Nope it sounds too much like hard work to me. | One space available, apply now to avoid being forced to fill it. | I'm around right now, mostly | Right now you can mostly find me on voting pages and reverting vandalism on recent changes. Though in the past I have written a little bit and created some pretty mediocre stuff, and one slightly better than mediocre thing. Mostly I contribute by adding and taking jokes here and there, and by checking people's spelling. I also spent a huge amount of time over on PEE review, and still help out when I can. | You can leave me a message on my talk page, you know you want to. |
| Colin "All your base" Heaney | dicks lol | dicks lol | dicks lol | dicks lol | dicks lol |
| Darktruth2 | . | Not Now. | MIA | Been around for a while now, just graduated from n00b status. Learned the ways of Uncyc from copying and pasting templates and the like. | Contact me on my talk page. |
| DJ Irreverent | I got raped by one once | Open like a fox! | Alive. Also on IRC. | Been here since January '08, knocked up a few features, on track for WotM. I suggest you read my articles and see if you like them (contextual humor, puns, intelligent references, one liners...) before you come begging to me. I'll make a writer of you. Comes with free Cajek! Must like voting for my shit, wiping my ass, complimenting me on my wiped ass... | *Be warned you will be locked into a 10 year loan forever!!!!! Come on, soiled matresses are hardly cheap... especially ones with Cajek's fapping stains on it!* |
| Electrified mocha chinchilla | Nope. | I'll teach you how to hunt and fish and enjoy NASCAR. | Single and horny. | I like long walks on the beach and sitting in my living room on a rainy Sunday with a vat of frozen yogurt. Does that make me gay? | Free consultation! No up-front charges! No interest until 2002! |
| Fag | I've had so many in me that I practically am one | Well, I can't have any of my own | MIA | Initially adopted by THE, Commander of the Order, one (aww, only one?) featured article, a few nominations for RotM, PEEING member, FotM creator, TYATU star (so what if it was one line! It's on my CV nonetheless) oh, and I recently had a few-month absence, so I feel a little redundant. Go on, ask to be adopted, I want to give something back! | See my talk page... and not just for adoption, if you get what I mean, wink wink, nudge nudge, |
| Gert5 | O-NAAAAY | Sign up now and get* $5 | MIA | Made a bunch of templates. A few in public, which was embarassing. Type alot better than n00bins. 158 articles, most of them died, but I still have 48 articles. No Featured Articles. Why do people have so many of those things anyway and I have none? Have done about 3000 contributions. And 120 images and counting. *-Mongolia Only | I'm also good at not eating!! Hey? |
| gwax | Yes | Quick questions, issues and mediation only | Around Uncyclopedia and IRC, rarely contributing | I've been an admin here since late 2005 and a user for even longer, making me a bit of an old hat by now. My primary activities on Uncyclopedia involve deleting lots and lots of bad material and trying to improve the systems/community of Uncyclopedia. Further information may be found on my user page. | Not accepting adoptees but will answer policy questions and mediate disputes |
| Heerenveen | No, but once mistaken for one. | Ready and waiting... | Around | Written thirteen articles, all of which were passable but not brilliant. Maintenance is more my thing; cleaning up after the vandals, reporting the one-liners etc. Originally part of the Grue Army, then worked out I was better by myself. On pretty much all afternoon, pretty much everyday, so easy to contact. | Get your free, |
| Killer_3.14 | No. | No adoptees ,but is willing, ready, and hoping for such. | I keep going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and..... | I can translate anything and make really hard games. | I don't care if you spam on my talk page ,but you might get banned and one last thing, CHEEESECAKE!! ROCKS!! |
| Ljlego | Yup | ....Nah | MIA | I have made my mark, whatever that means to you. Put it this way, I write articles, some of which are good. I have 22.5 features as of yet. I try to help out with maintenance, and you can ask me generally anything about code. If I don't know, then I'll totally spork it from someone who does and take credit. My first graduate is Andorin Kato, and he's a good guy. | I adopt because I too was a n00b once. I like to help people. Ask away! I'll say four kids, with one slot currently free. |
| Luvvy | Not me. I'm not that good. | You like to be cuddled, right? | Hates internet people as of late. No. | I'm not too old myself on this site's standards, but I feel like the tired old cranky bitch as of late. | Lives around GMT, and prefers those who are awake at European times... GMT! GMT! GMT! GMT! GMT... |
| Methamphetamine, AKA DotJasperDotNot | If by Admin? you mean having a restraining order from them, then yes. | Dead. | Dead. | I've registered as a past name, and I didn't contribute a lot. I make articles and such. I've created a few (failed) UnNewses. I'm close to being a member of PEEING. I live on Central Standard Time, so it'll be around 6 PM when it's midnight system time. I specialize in creating signatures and fixing up userpages. I'm weak on helping you with articles. Taking my stash is not permitted. | I have 2 spaces. Yay. Contact me on mah talking place to request adoption. Or I'll |
| Mhaille | Maybe | Pick up the phone, I'm always home. Call me any time. | Around | In a round about way this crazy page was actually my idea. Fairly decent record with featured images and articles, I consider myself pretty n00b-friendly. | Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap. |
| Miley Spears | No, which means you won't have to lie prostrate before me. Not all the time. I am a Discordian American Princess and a Goddess, so a little worship now and then would be nice. | Sorry not right now | I check in almost every day except weekends. But somebody usually answers questions for me on my talk page when I'm not there! | I was adopted, and was nommed for NotM but was disqualified because of one day. I got 3 Golden Shower Awards for Pee Reviews, and got Brooke Shields, my second article, featured. I was also UGotM for September 2009. I haven't been here too long, but I'm an old editor at that not funny wiki. | My first adoptee was named NotM for September 2009! Am I a proud Mommy or what? |
| Mordillo | Yes, all part of the master plan to take over the world | Adopting now! | I'm watching you as we speak | Been around for a while now, like writing on main namespace, Unnews and some audio bits as well. Got some awards and features. Also like keeping the place clean and friendly. Like my flat. Strike that. My flat is a bloody mess. | One space still available, get it while it's still hot! NEW MATTRESS CLEANER THAN TOM'S!!! |
| Mrmonkey72 | No, which means I won't ban you. Ever. I can't. | Not Accepting. | MIA | I'm a fairly regular contributor and constantly around the site. I won Noob of the Month myself, and I can help you do it, too, with only five small payments of $129.99. Or for free. Y'know, whichever you prefer. | I have every space open, so, feel free to request adoption on my talk page. |
| MrN9000 | Myeeeeesssssssssssssssssssss | If you have a few good contributions under your belt, and intend to be around a while, I'm all yours. | Around and about. | I have been around since November 2007 and have some idea of what's going on... Feel free to contact me via my talk page if you're interested in adoption. | Adopted N00b of the month February 2008. Are you next? |
| Necropaxx | No. Thank goodness. | We make sacred pact. I promise teach Uncyclopedia to you, you promise learn. I say, you do, no questions. | I'm on daily. | Ten FAs and a WotM. Been here since '07. An old-timer (kinda), but the kind of old-timer that inspires respect, not the kind that inspires behind-the-back laughter. | Previously adopted par moi: YouKnowWhatTheMusicMeans. To be adopted hit me up on my talk page. Jam Man is currently adopted. Still taking adoptions, though. |
| Orian57 | No | Willing to adopt | Actually unemployed and no boyfriend comitments or anything. Here all the time basically. | Writer of nine featured articles (see UN:HS) and currently nominated for WotM. Winner of RotM Back in July 08 and so willing to help with getting to know PEEING. Also on the welcomming committee. I think I have a pretty good idea of what I'm doing around here and would be happy to help. I am British. 19:57, 7 June 2009 (UTC) | Contact me on my talk page if you desire adoption. |
| Pongo Version 2 | Nein. | I'll be looking forward to meeting you some other time. | MIA | I've been on Uncyclopedia quite a while, but I'm not the best writer. To be quite honest, what few articles I've done articles suck(ed). I'd probably be considered a better writer if I were on the ED. Unfortunately, the ED sucks. I am only really any good at making text adventures. However, I can give you some advice about the wiki. I'm not going to give you a load of crazy promises that I don't know how to keep. I'll just answer your questions and that'll be that. | 0_o |
| Hell, no! | Yep (I just want to stuff up the colour scheme before RAHB gets a chance) | I'm here fairly often, much to the displeasure of my many lovers. | Call me. Call me now. | ||
| RAHB | Pish Posh | Most of mine are inactive, or rarely active, or getting ready to graduate. As of now I can probably take one more. I also just wanted to fuck up the page's color scheme with a different color green. | Uncyclopedia is, quite unfortunately, a rather large part of my existence. | I've been around for near three years now, and been an admin for over a year. In that time, I've developed a stunning reputation for writing good articles (now and then) and for taking leaves of copious and unannounced absence (now and then). I've won just about every award Uncyclopedia has to offer, some of them twice, and have a good amount of featured articles under my belt, as well as two featured images. I've graduated several award-winners (or rather, one winner of several awards). And YOU can be the next one if you follow your dreams! | I got the good, baby! |
| Regret Tenenbaum | If only... *sigh* | Accepting. | Around once in a while. | I'm just a regular badass. You know, layn' around, doing nothing. Spamming for the Mafia. Ooh! This one time I delivered the paper! Crazy, huh? Also, I like to use emoticons XD just so you know =_=... pervert. | ONE space available. Users must pass the Seven Trials of Nyarlathotep. Ask on my talk page! |
| Severian | Nah. | Sword Sharpening Serviced Here | MIA | I've been here for a long time, I can answer most anything, and if I don't know the answer I know who or where to get it. I need to get more involved anyway, I took a long break. I live in Germany and if you need info for articles or ideas, let me know. I lurk sometimes in IRC. | Your head hangs in the balance. |
| Shandon | Not interested...I *write*. | Not Available...not even to the right candidate | MIA | Go to my user page, and if that gives you the idea I might be able to help, drop me a line. | Been here since summer '06. |
| Sliferjam | Naw, love, but I do have a couch. | I will not adopt you. | MIA | I am considered crazy/insane. This page pretty much sums me up. Together, we will pwn the nubes. Not the nudes. They attack your groinalds. But seriously, I will teach you my top ten ways to contribute, the best way to get unbanned, htbfanjs, how to levitate by concentrating your thoughts on a fluorescant llama, and how to get ideas. | We gonna have loads of fun. First, we're gonna memorize the time tables and then we're gonna learn the first ninety million digits of pi. |
| Sonic The Hedgehog | No | Nope | Normally Around. Sometimes takes a break. | I've been wanting to adopt a n00b! I have been editing, laughing, chatting, and taking breaks and, maybe hanging out with Amy Rose (yes she's my girlfriend and, that "SonAmy" thing is real.), and, of course protecting people and other living creatures, but, I am currently adopting | I am awesome!!!!!! |
| Starnestommy | Not yet, anyway | I'm currently not involved much with the Uncyclopedian community. | Always on the internet, but rarely on Uncyclopedia for more than a couple minutes per day | I've been here since December 24th, 2006. Since then, I have written a couple of articles (just one featured), reverted a lot of vandalism, helped found the Grue Army, and spent several hours on IRC helping people out. I know a lot about templates, wikicode, and many other technical aspects of this wiki. Having been a reformed vandal, I am willing to help vandals stop their evil ways and do good. | Prefers to use IRC over talk pages and forums. |
| Sycamore | Nope | Currently Accepting | I have a fair bit of time on my hands - UK time, I'm from the land of rain and kilts. | I do some stuff around here, I've a few features now. I'm generally considered a positive presence on the site. | Hope I'll be able to help |
| SysRq | Ew. No. | I can take another. | Alive. Also on IRC. | Been here under the username Gustav since October of 2006, switched to this new one around November of 2007. I'm currently a Knight Grand Cross, writer of nine (9) featured articles, and winner of WotM, RotM, and AotM. I'm the founder of Imperial Colonization and will most likely enlist you if I adopt you. Beloved by the admins, I'm a great person to ask about rules and such. I'm pretty much always here, too. I look out for my noobs and I've been known to fix up their userpages and sigs and stuff in case they're not so good with wiki markup. | I live in the |
| Tagstit | No, they smell funny | Accepting anyone. | Pretty much always on. Especially night times in the US. | I have been here for a while, and have learned alot from my Daddy and Step-daddy. I am willing to help with writing style, formatting, and other stuff like that. Also, if you need help with templates, signitures, and other confusing things around here, I can help you out. I am pretty active in Peeing, VFH, and on other people's talk pages. | Talk to me on my talk page...here. |
| Sir That Guy Huffed Me | SHOOP DA WHOOP | Please come to my Orphanage and we will play with each other, but I can't adopt. | MIA | I'm a very sexy person seeking to adopt. What else you want. But seriously I'm a formal Adoptee I know how you feel. I'll give detailed explanations on how uncyclopedia works so you wont get killed. | Ask on my talk page, but you will only have a 50% chance of survival. |
| THEDUDEMAN | Was nominated one time, but I didnt get much support because of all the nominees. | Sure why not | Here and starting to come around more | I've been here for sence mid April of 2007. I've writen a few articles, 1 featured. I'm more of a behind the scenes guy. I know almost everything about how this place works. I'm on usually for most of the day and open to questions or comments | Caution, my userpage is a man in a penis suit. Do not be afraid. It doesn't bite... Much... |
| TheLedBalloon | lolno. Wait.... | Weeeeellllllllll... maybe just one more... | Always on | I've been around the site for a solid year and a half now, and actually graduated from Mordillo via AAN. I've been pretty active around the uncyc, and I've written a bunch of featured pages and won a couple of awards. I have a bit of know-how, and could probably be helpful to any n00b that needs | If you can pull the sword from this stone, you are the true n00b that I must adopt. Or, perhaps not. Worth a try, right? |
| THE | Nope!!!111 | Yee-ah! | Around on and off | I've been a membah for over a year now. I konsider myself highly n00b-friendly, and that's why I want YOU to | 1 space available. |
| The Thinker | No (I just play one on TV) | Applications are not being accepted!* * - with $45 application fee and cost of shipping | MIA | I write. A lot. I'm also quite pompous, and find it hilarious. If you are an intelligent person, fluent in the arts of subtlety and subtextual humor, I'd suggest contacting me. If you do not possess these qualities, consider yourself part of the problem (and definitely do not contact me). | You're gunna like the way you look. I guarantee it. |
| Thekillerfroggy | Yes. | Sorry ladies, I'm taken! | Always on | I do lots of stuff when lots of stuff is available to be done. Recently, there's really been nothing to do. So I guess I do nothing. Especially not Pee Reviews. | I only adopt users who are better than me. |
| The UnIdiot | No, but I'm cool and sexy like them! | Not now. | Not Really Around | I'm fairly new here, but feel I can help out other new members. I have a bunch of featured articles, and am decent at a lot of things around here. I do a bunch of audio stuff, including UnTunes and article narrations. I'm probably not the best for extremely detailed advice on writing, but I can give you general advice, and show you what people here will and will not consider funny. My Adoptee won Noob of the Month. So, to sum it up, I'm awesome. | 1 space left for a cool n00b. I'd prefer IRC over talking over talkpages, but both are fine. Contact me at my Talk Page to sign up. |
| The Woodburninator | Heavens, no. | All kinds of open. | School's on. Sorry. | I try to write when I can, but school gets in the way during the semester. Only one year left though. Won Noob of the Month ages ago, and Author of the Month twice. A few features. I mostly write to amuse myself. I'm willing to help anyone with writing, site maintainence, learning the ins and outs, and whatever else. I'm pretty chill. Contact me on my talk page if you want help. | I can take some. Break your nose like this and you get a little something special. |
| Todd Lyons | Yes | Not Accepting. | On vacation until August. | I've have won awards for my writing, editing, music, and voice work here. Browse my user page for further details on my contributions. | 1 space available. |
| Premier Tom Mayfair | Yes, the foolish admins gave me powah! | The dungeon is downstairs. SLIGHTLY USED MATTRESS!!! With authentic Mordillo fappin' stains. | I cum & go. | I don't write much but have a good understandin' of the rules and what is expected of users. I'm normally friendly until you touch my user page for any reason. My talk page is there for a reason. Oh, & I'm a pop icon here... Oh, & an administrator... Oh, & a wee bit insane... Oh, & a registered pervert. | Sexual Advances Mandatory. |
| Why do I need to provide this? | Not in this dimension. | Room for one more. (Hint: Contributing adoptees get noticed) | Here almost every day (I don't have a life). | I was adopted by a Dame who in turn had been adopted. I was NotM for Sept. 2009, RotM for Nov. 2009, and got my first three articles here featured (1, 2, 3). I know basic coding but am not an expert, but do know my way around a wiki. Also I smell good. | I adopted the Noob of the Month for November 2009. Leave a message on my talk page if you want to audition to be my noob. You'll see me around here as Rabbi WHY??? (shmuesn) |
| YesTimeToEdit | How dare you insinuate that! I most certainly am not an admin! | Not around for the moment. | MIA | Apparently I've done some stuff but I wouldn't believe everything you hear. I routinely do things no one cares about. So why wouldn't you want to be associated with me? I make very nice cookies! You want to slob around Uncyclopedia eating cookies, don't you? Oh and I come from El Britannia. | Millions of spaces available NOW WITH ADDED COOKIES! |
| Zana Dark | Maybe when I grow up. | Sure, why not? I'm a glutton for punishment. | I'm obsessed with Uncyclopedia | I've written a few articles and made a boatload of crappy templates. Every once in a while I can make people laugh, it depends on who you ask! My specialties are prose, formatting, and copious amounts of Ganja. | Just talk to me... |
