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A proud Uncyclopedian prepares to make a visceral contribution to the survival of the website.

Uncyclopedia is the humor wiki that will never bother you for financial contributions, thanks to our corporate webhost supported by the One Percent.

Unfortunately, our hosts have advised us that, in lieu of funding, they are in urgent need of our blood to ensure continuing availability of the website.

Other bodily fluids, such as bile, have been in ample supply lately and are not requested.


Find the longest and scariest needle you can. (This does not include either knitting needles or phonograph needles. Ensure there is a hole in the end.)

You will also need a sufficient length of plastic tubing. Connect one end of the tubing to the needle. Connect the other end of the tubing to your computer — for instance, the AUDIO IN port.

On the screen, simply click on Special:Upload and follow the instructions in excruciating detail. Note especially the advice that any gore must be in the direct service of comedy.

Instructions (USB)Edit

USB transfusion appliances have appeared on the market lately and make the process much more efficient. If you have this adapter, it can be plugged into any available USB port. With Plug and Play, Microsoft will automatically detect the connection and begin draining the blood from your body.

If you have USB 2.0, the process will be over in perhaps an hour. Otherwise, plan to leave the needle in overnight.

It is hoped that everyone who has informed us that Uncyclopedia sucks can be an integral part of that very process. Thank you.

—The Management, 1 April 2014