UnTweets:Osama Bin Laden

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Name: Osama bin Laden
Location: Afghanistan
Bio: Founder and Supreme Commander of Al-Qaeda.

Following 1
Followers 168,750,000


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Bin Laden

I have just woken up after a bad night's sleep. Sleeping on rocks is most painful, indeed.

05:35am October 29th from web

Now, to the Dawn prayer.. Remember, kids, true warriors of Al-Qaeda never miss the Dawn prayer.

05:38am October 29th from web

Story.laden

I am Osama (53/m/Afghanistan)

Training camp time. It is most fun. Training camps are funny, indeed.

06:02am October 29th from web

We drove over a goat with the Jeep on our way to the camp. May your soul find its way to Paradise, my lesser friend.

06:08am October 29th from web

I see many new faces here, our bretheren from all over the globe have come to fight for our most just and noble cause! victory is nigh! \m/

06:12am October 29th from web

Goddamned recruits cannot shoot worth a fig.. the cause is screwed :(

07:01am October 29th from web

One of the new bastards says that he can't hit the target because "his gun is old and rusty." His excuse is unacceptable. Therefore...

08:38am October 29th from web

He has been punished accordingly.

08:49am October 29th from web

I, Osama Bin Laden, am going to teach those inexperienced mountain boys a lesson in accuracy. They can now walk with pride amongst their tribes for they have been taught how to shoot by the most humble Emir himself.

09:11am October 29th from web

The gun jammed and I missed the target. The bastards are laughing and mocking me. They will pay.. with their lives. This I swear :@

09:32am October 29th from web

Osama bin laden2

I hate my life

I'm most embarassed.. I can suffer this no longer, I am leaving the camp :(

10:02am October 29th from web

PS. I hate my life.

10:20am October 29th from text

My life is surely harsh. Everyone wants to kill me, I'm hiding in a cave and I can't go to a disco or a bar without being identified.

10:40am October 29th from text

I see lots of retweets of compassion and sympathy. Thank you, my bretheren. Each one of you shall get one more virgin in paradise.

10:46am October 29th from text

Cave, sweet cave.

11:07am October 29th from web

My cunning plan of revenge is ready.. It will kill two goats with one bullet!

11:47am October 29th from web

Time for prayer. I can't wait to see my most cunning plan in action.

11:58am October 29th from web

Blessed news have just arrived. The Infidels razed the camp to the ground and nobody survived.

12:30pm October 29th from web

Dog

My dog. He is now in paradise with his bitches (no pun)

Oh my God! My dog did not survive the ordeal. This is most saddening :(

12:37pm October 29th from web

Rest in peace my friend, for your death will be avenged.

12:39pm October 29th from web

Part 2 of my most cunning plan. We stage a ter- ... Jihadi attack against an Infidel country after we send them a threatening-toned audio-video recording full of vague bullfeces about an impeding Wrath of God.

12:56pm October 29th from web

And as usual, let's give those two a good old taliban-style voting, my bretheren: 1. location of the attack 2. title of the tape. If you to get #voteforterrorstrike into trending, you shall get one more virgin in Paradise.

12:59pm October 29th from web

@BarackObama Where are you?

01:06pm October 29th from web

We recieved millions of votes, for which we are most glad. Here are the results: The "elected" location of attack is: Washington D.C. but it's where Sheikh Hussein resides, and he's one of us. So we shall attack Chicago instead.

02:01pm October 29th from web

...and the "elected" title of the tape is: "Death to Amurikan Infidels." but it is, indeed, most overused and cliché, so we shall call it "All you motherfuckers are gonna pay" instead. It is most hip.

02:17pm October 29th from web

Osama bin laden1

Observe my beard, for it's most cute

The Tape has been sent successfully.

02:50pm October 29th from web

I'm on the Infidels' television! Observe my beard for it is most cute!

02:51pm October 29th from web

I'm on the Interweb, too. I am surely very famous.

02:54pm October 29th from web

Lets pray that my tape makes it to Billboard 200's top 40 this time. Amen.

02:57pm October 29th from web

Time for prayer. Surely, I'm most pious.

03:07pm October 29th from web

I shall sleep for a while.

03:30pm October 29th from web

I has dreamt of my martyr dog in Paradise.

05:10pm October 29th from web

Entertaining myself to the thought that my dog is enjoying his eternal life in Paradise.

05:15pm October 29th from web

We have caught an unchaste woman walking in the street alone after sunset with her face shamefully exposed. We shall stone her tomorrow by noon.

05:31pm October 29th from web

Time for prayer.

05:35pm October 29th from web

I'm going to pay my neighbour, Sheik Dubya Bush a visit. He invited me for dinner.

06:01pm October 29th from web

He served me pork!

06:49pm October 29th from web

I beheaded him. The filthy infidel.

06:59pm October 29th from web

Time for prayer.. Thankfully, it is the last one for today.

07:15pm October 29th from web

Time to play with my pet goat.

07:37pm October 29th from web

Viagra is, most certainly, magic.

07:48pm October 29th from web

Rumours about a captured Infidel soldier are circulating. If true, we shall behead him like the unholy goat he is. Then we shall exchange his head for 100 of our bretheren in Amurikan detention facilities

08:00pm October 29th from web

We have just recieved a sample of the cocaine rolling out of our all-new production lines in Halmand.

08:13pm October 29th from web

Made with pride in Afghanistan. God bless Afghanistan.

08:15pm October 29th from web

It is time to plan for the attacks on illinois

08:20pm October 29th from web

Planning for jihad while high on cocaine is most cool, for the infidels will not see it coming.

08:23pm October 29th from web

Planning..

08:59pm October 29th from web

The plan is almost ready.

09:28pm October 29th from web

Here it is: We'll get 10,000 bretheren to take the shortcut to Paradise through Illinois. This time, they will get a HUNDRED virgins in Paradise! (while stock lasts)

09:30pm October 29th from web

I'm most surprised! In a mere thirty minutes, a hundred thousand true warriors have ascended to Paradise and a million infidels descended to Hell! This is most gladdning!

09:59pm October 29th from web

Helicopter Assault

Do they have helicopters in Paradise?

The combination of cocaine and good news is most pleasing.. I must be in Paradise..

10:09pm October 29th from web

Do they have helicopters in Paradise? For I am most sure that I am hearing helicopters

10:14pm October 29th from web

Sacred faeces! The Infidels have found me. I wonder, how? Whatever. Now is most assuredly the time to redisappear

10:16pm October 29th from web


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