UnTweets:Odysseus

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Name: Odysseus
Location: Greece
Bio: King of Ithaca, favorite of Athena.

Following 12 Followers 2



Odysseus2
44/m/Ithaca

Woohoo! Troy is in flames. We won! Guess it's time to head home.

3:34pm March 22nd from Troy

Fuck you @Poseidon. I won this war, not you. The only thing you ever use that trident for is scratching your ass.

3:45pm March 22nd from web

@Eurylochus wants to stop at McDonald's before we head home. I'm not that hungry, but I guess I could get a Diet Nectar.

4:00pm March 22nd from web

Just sacked this town of Trojan-loving pussies called Ismaros. Got some pretty sweet stuff.

8:33am March 23rd from web

A storm just blew us off course. Poseidon is a douchebag.

9:11am March 23rd from web

Finally, land! Some guys are coming near us with some kind of plant. Gonna go check it out.

10:42pm April 2nd from web

Whoa...that plant made me trippy. Still not as good as weed, though.

8:49am April 3rd from web

I wonder if Penelope has gotten any flatter since I left...

8:55am April 3rd from web

Just landed on another island. There's a creepy cave up ahead...

9:01pm April 5th from web

Great, now i'm stuck in here and that stupid Cyclops ate two of my men. Today is not my day...

11:24pm April 5th from web

Have you ever tried sleeping in a cave? It sucks. A lot.

12:32am April 6th from web

Hey @Polyphemus! You are UUUUUUUUUUUUUGLY!

8:31am April 6th from web

RT @Polyphemus: All right, you're next. What's your name, you little shrimp?

8:32am April 6th from web

My name? Uh...Elvis. Yeah, that's it. Here, have some wine...

8:33am April 6th from web

Polyphemus is out cold. I think it's time to get creative with this SOB...

8:40am April 6th from web

RT @Polyphemus: YOU JACKASS! YOU BLINDED ME! @OtherCyclopses! HELP! ELVIS HAS BLINDED ME!

8:59am April 6th from web

RT @OtherCyclopses: Seriously, dude? Everyone knows Elvis is in Tartarus. April Fools Day was last week, you hound dog...

9:00am April 6th from web

Aaaaaaand I think it's time for us to make our exit...

9:01am April 6th from web

RT @Poseidon: You blinded my son! That's it, i'm going to the Big Z...

9:31am April 6th from web

Just met up with Aeolus. He gave me this bag full of wind or something. Must be a stink bomb.

10:24pm April 7th from web

RT @Eurylochus: Hey guys! Odysseus is sleeping. Let's open that wind bag and put a lighter to it!

11:21pm April 7th from web

HOLY SHIT! WHY THE HELL IS OUR SHIP FLYING? WHERE'S THE BAG OF... EURYLOCHUS!!!!!!

11:25pm April 8th from web

RT @Aeolus: Sorry man, I can't afford to give you another bag of winds. My insurance can barely cover the first one...

7:00am April 8th from web

Just escaped an island of cannibals. They destroyed all of the other ships after we wouldn't let them eat Eurylochus. (Damn...)

2:00pm April 10th from web

We're on some crazy witch's island, and she turned half our men into pigs. *shrug* I never liked them anyway.

3:41pm April 14th from web

Watched "Deep Throat" with Circe. I told her not to get any ideas. She did. (Score!)

5:00am April 15th from web

It's been a fun month, but I think it's time to leave. I wonder who Penelope's been banging behind my back...

6:22pm May 21st from web

I told Circe to turn all our men back into humans before we left. She did, but she gave 'em something itchy too. Zing!

7:03am May 22nd from web

We have reached the land of the dead. I had a nice talk with JFK (Nope, it wasn't Oswald).

1:12am May 24th from web

Went back to Circe's island and had a quick fling. Forgot to use the rubber, so let's hope I didn't make anything...

2:24pm May 26th from web

Twittering with my teeth. Men have tied me to my ship b/c of the Sirens. Wonder what they sound like...

12:21pm May 27th from web

Well, here comes the Siren song. It really isn't that gooOH PLEASE LET ME DOWNNNNNNNN

12:30pm May 27th from web

Just passed this fuckin' huge whirlpool and some big-ass monster with six heads. Picture Rosie O'Donnell X6. Yeah, that bad.

9:23am May 28th from web

We're in Helios' crib having a Guitar Hero marathon. Just 5-starred "Smells Like Hercules" on hard. Go me!

7:14pm May 29th from web

Guitar Hero
Can you do that? Yeah, I didn't think so.

Dammit, some of the guys got into Helios' secret Nectar stash and he kicked us out.

3:31am May 30th from web

Holy crap, our ship just wrecked. I don't see anyone else, and now some hot chick is seducing me. When in Athens...

7:44pm May 30th from web

Today's my birthday! Me and Calypso (hot chick's name) had a 6-way with her servants to celebrate. W00t!

8:49pm May 31st from web

Calypso was nice enough to build me a raft and send me off. Now where am I going...?

9:19am June 7th from web

Just landed on the island of the "Phaeacians", and they want me to tell them a story...*shrugs* when in doubt, imitate Carlin.

10:23pm June 7th from web

I told the Phaecians the bit about the "Seven Olympian Words", and they laughed hysterically. Whew, close call...

11:11pm June 7th from web

Hooray, they built me a boat! Back to Ithaca at long last! Time to see if Penelope has been as busy as I've been...

2:21am June 8th from web

Just landed at Ithaca. Home at last! Wait a minute, who are those guys...?

5:36am June 7th from web

Athena just turned me an old man, for some reason. Now I've got a beard almost as long as my dick!

5:36am June 8th from web

Currently among the enemy at my palace. Watching "No Country for Old Gods" with the suitors.

4:41pm June 9th from web

Penelope just came in the room. Don't worry babe, we'll be together soon...

5:19pm June 9th from web

I've revealed myself, but Penelope doesn't believe me. She says I need to be tested. GUITAR HERO TIME!

9:11am June 10th from web

Just pwned the suitors on "Through the Underworld and the Flames".

10:01am June 10th from web

Hey @Suitors! Good game, guys. Say, does this sword look sharp enough to you...?

12:12pm June 10th from web

Suitors are dead, and Penelope is giving me a BJ. There's no place like home...

12:31pm June 10th from web


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