UnTunes:Monkeys and Footballs

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Monkey football
So at my old job, there was this girl I had a serious crush on. I mean, everything about her was amazing. Her hair, her lips, her football-shaped body... the way she entered those numbers into the AS/400, it was like God himself had sent one of his angels down to Earth to enter numbers into the AS/400.

So I was talking about her to my friend Ryan, and he said, "Hey, dude, you have that old Casio, right? Why don't you write her a love song?"

I thought it was a good idea. So the next day, I went to work, and Ryan came with me and brought his guitar, and I laid it all down for her.

Well, unfortunately, she said no. And also I was fired. But I learned one thing: it's better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all.

Anyway, these were the lyrics.

My Love Song to the Girl at Work

If I had a monkey, and you had a football,
then I'd pay a dollar to watch my monkey fuck your football.
They would be making love. Making love.
Making love. Making sweet, sweet love to a football.
Making sweet, sweet love to a football.
Well lately, girl, all that I can think about is you and me
and sex and furry mammals and football. And your hair, and your smile,
and your radiant personality and sex with footballs.
Let's go back to my basement apartment
and play some Madden '93 and take it from there.
It's kinda old but it still kicks ass,
and you could wear my football costume - but hey, no pressure.
Well, you are a woman. And I'm not a football.
But I'd still pay a dollar to fuck you if I was a football.
We would be making love. Making love.
Making love. Making sweet, sweet love to a football.
Making sweet, sweet love to a football.

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