Rally around the Uncyclopedia flag, comrades, and let us exterminate these decrepit beasts of articles which do so tie our website down. VFD is writhing with terrible articles, so many half-written memes locked up in a dungeon awaiting execution. The best thing for you to do is to help send them on their way so that we may be be-gone with them. If we are to keep our merry island of insanity afloat then we must all contribute to the cause and give 5 votes to every wretched article that lays there. Otherwise, we will only have to let them back into our towns and cities so that our users can be exasperated once again by their petty attempts as humour.
The palpable apathy at VFD is an open invitation for the secret Cabal to use it as an excuse to lower the requirement for deletion, to play games with the game clock, or — if worse comes to worst — just herd so-called articles to slaughter at QVFD and evade our website's democracy entirely. What's more, emeritus Uncyclopedian Aleister religiously turns up at VFD with deletion rationales that always read "Four vote delete sweep" — certainly acting as a secret agent of the Cabal (after waiting a respectful 381 hours to throw off suspicions) to effect a de facto lowering of the threshold of 5 votes that was on the tablet that God inscribed for Jonathan Huang at the dawn of UnTime. As can be imagined, this could lead to good articles by solid contributors being "thrown out with the chaff" into the eternal fiery pit of Uncyclopedic nightmares, to be available only at the Mirror Site, which is eating our lunch lately.
Hence this playing-field of deletion as given way to a battle between the article-rights campaigners and the ones who want the whole lot deported. You, however, can make a difference and stop these extremists, restore Uncyclopedia to stability, and change history forever. We at UnSignpost await your help.