Lion Bar Week
- By Chief
All good things must come to an end, and so, apparently, must everything else, as Pee Week successfully concluded on Tuesday of this week, having encouraged users to complete a whole 23 reviews! This mammoth undertaking means that it now takes only 10 minutes to scroll to the bottom of the Pee queue, and truly showcased the difference the promise of a special template can bring. One of the competition rewards is a "write-up" for the winner in the UnSignpost about "Their general awesomeness". Despite having attempted to explain that we don't do nice write-ups here and offering to publicly rubbish the families and friends of the winner instead, we eventually agreed to provide said write-up in return for a week's supply of Lion Bars. I mean, Lion Bars! I didn't even know you could get them in shops any more! If you break them in half it's like a Lion's Mouth, I mean it's like "ROOOOAR"!
Anyway, so as we sat down, with a week's supply of Lion Bars, no less, to prepare this "glowing write-up" (which we were only doing because we got free Lion Bars). We thought it might be prudent to find out who had won Pee Week, and it turns out that the big winner is Frosty. Well, not really; we're the real winners because we got free Lion Bars. However, assuming success is not measured in Lion Bars (which it is), Frosty has indeed won. Frosty is a truly spiffing chap whose ability to Pee is only surpassed by his ability to eat Lion Bars; we do after all have a week's supply of Lion Bars so we could afford to share some with him. Frosty completed 6 in-depth reviews over the course of Pee Week, all of which we are sure were thoughtful, interesting and well-written. When asked to comment on his success, Frosty had this to say: "Well of course, it wasn't about the rewards and recognition, it was about- are those Lion Bars?"
All the other people we interviewed about Frosty all told us he was fantastic, but he was quickly forgotten when our interviewees discovered that we had a sack full of Lion Bars with us and they only lapsed into further raptures of joy when we revealed that you can snap Lion Bars in half and roar. There you have it: Frosty is pretty awesome for winning Pee Week, but not quite as awesome as a week's supply of Lion Bars.
Editor's note: Whether or not this is considered a "glowing" write-up is neither here nor there; we have an expert (kindly referred to us by the good people at Lion Bars) who is prepared to testify that this story is 200% more cheerful than usual. The editor would also like to thank everyone who was involved in Pee Week for their hard work in helping to clear the Pee queue.
News from the Forums
- By Chief
You all love the forums right? Of course you do; everyone loves a good shout (IN CAPS!) and a spot of drama. So this week the UnSignpost has checked out the forums to tell you what is really going on on Uncyclopedia. First up is the most important news - the Poo Lit Surprise started on Tuesday and we have dispatched our roving reporters to the competition in order to interview participants, write stories and other journalistic stuff you wouldn't understand. We understand that the competition is expecting record turnout this year, with six articles submitted at the time of going to press. Six! Next you'll be telling us that people vote on VFP more than once every six months and that more than two people know how to use the new abuse filter.
The other fascinating topic in the forum is that of the sidebar. You see it there at the side? Well that's the sidebar, clue's in the name. Basically Lyrithya thinks the sidebar is unacceptable; there are just too many links on it. The solution? Voting and lots of it; with 45 voting headers in the forum at the time of going to press, even Uncyclopedia's most avid voters will be able to get their daily voting fix here. The UnSignpost invites users to go over and create their very own voting header and vote for that as that seems to be exactly what everyone else is doing. Assuming Uncyclopedia hasn't disappeared in some kind of voting singularity by next week, the UnSignpost will be here to explain to you exactly what is going on with the sidebar, something which at the moment is being shaped almost solely by Mattsnow, Aimsplode and TheHappySpaceman, with occasional input from Zombiebaron and Socky. We don't think we need to explain to you why this is not right.
The other stuff in the forum is about Hyperbole reaching 50.5 features, the site notice being filled with bodily fluids, a bumped forum from about seven months ago and this forum which has been going for about 3 weeks now, and, like the Panda in Zombiebaron's first book, just needs to have its brain consumed and die.
|From our logs:
- 08:32, September 17, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Joebloe334 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month (Wait, I don't get it. Don't your poorly-manicured enormous Jew claws hurt the black men's enormous dongs? Eh. To each their own, I suppose.)
- 11:55, September 18, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked PuppyOnTheRadio (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 324 seconds (saw you on Twitter, existing. This riled me. So I'm banning you. Fair?)
- 09:23, September 15, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked David 1981 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week (I hope you realize that 95% of computers come with a free version of solitare)
- 15:01, September 19, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 184.108.40.206 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (U MAD @ HAVING NOTHING IN YOUR LIFE ONLY TIRED INTERNET MEMES AND A TOTAL LACK OF CREATIVITY WHICH YOU MASK WITH YOU PATHETIC ATTEMPT AT TROLLING, BRAH?)
- 14:27, September 18, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 220.127.116.11 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (We discriminate against gibberish speakers around here.)
|Biopic of the Week
Well, as you all know, the UnSignpost has a very special place for Biopic of the week, namely somewhere that isn't in the UnSignpost. As for the last two weeks we have avoided biopicing an actual person, preferring to biopic chairs, dogs and a picture instead. Well, no more, because this week we are taking a closer look at TheSlyFox. He's been around since 2006 but didn't pick up his first ban until this year which, we believe, means he is a troublemaker, a villain and a cad. All people of quality are banned within their first year. Worse, he didn't subscribe to the UnSignpost until this year either. He has written a few articles and his greatest achievement is the creation of this template.
Truly this man is the greatest mystery Uncyclopedia has to offer; nobody knows who he is or what he does, but one thing's for certain: if he isn't nominating your favourite images to be burned in Forest Fire Week, he's quietly working away at an article or voting on the voting pages. You know, just like you should all be doing. Good work, TheSlyFox, but we want at least two featured articles before December or we're removing the second paragraph of this biopic, don't think we won't.
|I have your dog.
- Note from Lyrithya
To you know who you are: I still have your dog. I know I already said you won't ever see her again, but I've changed my mind - if you ever want to see her again, there is one thing you can do for me. Give me your other dog. Or a Lion Bar.
|Reason to stay on Uncyclopedia #1
You might get free Lion Bars!
OK, we're definitely done with the whole Lion Bars thing now.