Poo and Pee
- By Chief
As we draw closer to the close of the summer, many Uncyclopedians find themselves casting about, searching for a way to manifest their creative talents before they all have to go back to school and learn how to add up big numbers. It is therefore fitting that two competitions will be hosted this month in order to alleviate the pain in your pants.
The first is Pee Week, which began on Tuesday; this competition ran last year as well and was a great success in clearing the Pee backlog down to about 17 pages and was critically acclaimed by all 4 participants. Now, once again, all members of PEEING are summoned to the edge of the bowl to help clear a blockage which, according to RAHB, is "Backed up like a fat gerbil in a small tube". The competition this time has been started by Lyrithya; you know her, she's the crazy dame with all the wacky ideas about "Accountability" and "Standards". When asked to make a quick speech to commemorate the start of Pee Week she didn't say anything, so we made something up: "I now declare the revels open", she might have said. The rules are very simple: do reviews, wait in mounting anticipation for your review to be checked, list it here, move out of parents house, win a template, kiss a lady. It's that simple.
The other competition that loomed into view this week was the PLS, our biggest writing competition. It's so cool that some of you may wish to beat box while reading the rest of this story so you feel like you're in "da club", because that's cool, right? This competition is being hosted by a harsh spunk-chugger who had plenty to say to the UnSignpost about the PLS, but as we unfortunately have other stories to get onto this week, we cannot provide you with any of the 73 page interview. Luckily Zombiebaron was on hand to say a quick word about the PLS: "Zombiebaron".
The competition is very much the same as it has been, except this year the Best Alternate Namespace Article category has been dropped in favour of a Best Collaboration category, a controversial move due to the poor performance of such a category in previous years. ChiefjusticeDS had no comment to make about this, preferring instead to talk to our correspondent about his new book, "My Shit Life in 4,000 Pages". The competition starts on the 20th of this month, but judges are needed to judge (duh) the categories and there are still some spots available - see here for information and general blabbering about aircraft carriers and whatnot.
Vandals destroy Uncyclopedia
- By Bizzeebeever
In a massive meme fight which no one bothered to pay attention to until it was too late, two psychotic neurotic narcissists utterly destroyed the once-proud institution known as Uncyclopedia.
"I banned them both for eternity!" said Uncyclopedia nanny Lyrithya, with tears in her eyes. "But their actions had already set in motion a horrible, horrible doom for us all, just like building that suburb on top of an Indian burial ground in the movie Poltergeist caused a hell-mouth to open. Oh, God. *shifty eyes*"
The two vandals, who had been writing a rapidly-devolving series of articles incorporating the motif of a talking polar bear, apparently became so inane that their stupidity-streams crossed, tearing a crack in the Uncyclopedia space-time continuum. Suddenly, every Uncyclopedia article became commingled with its Encyclopedia Dramatica version. The entire Lovecraftian horror was quickly destroyed by a nuclear-armed United Nations hit squad.
The cheeky monkeys, known as Izbeenoneweek and Bizzeebeever, are believed to be recovering from their wounds somewhere in their respective mothers' basements, however the future looks far from rosy for either of them. Various current and past Uncyclopedians, ranging from SPIKE to TheHumbucker to Zombiebaron, are said to be pissed to the point of wanting to track the two pranksters down and kill them with an iron-bound physical copy of HTBFANJS.
"I'm coming back to the charred remains of Uncyclopedia, just to kill these fuckers," said Dr. Skullthumper. "Oh, by the way, hi, Lyrithya."
|From our logs:
- 09:52, September 8, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 184.108.40.206 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month (You and Zac need to sit down and wank all these pesky little differences away)
- 06:33, September 10, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 220.127.116.11 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite (Have you been following me? I would have let you join in if you'd only asked.)
- 19:27, September 13, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 18.104.22.168 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (Please stop sucking. It's really getting uncomfortable.)
- 08:26, September 13, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Samt1337 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (No, sir, the Piss-off hasn't started yet. Why don't you come back in...forever.)
- 21:07, September 11, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked GEORGIEGIBBONS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second (Blocks follow bans in necessary circumstances, or so the wikipedians tell me.)
- 10:55, September 11, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 911 minutes (NEVER FORGET those old archived forums you bumped in the name of PATRIOTISM)
|Biopic of the Week
Right, big news out of the way first: nobody is the biopic this week. Hard luck; perhaps you'll be the biopic next week. This week. the UnSignpost is navel-gazing again and thanking the staff of the UnSignpost for the hard work they have put in on the UnSignpost. Who are these people? They answer questions, eat my biscuits, write the stories while I'm dancing with lorry drivers and they also eat my biscuits. They have taken up the slack admirably and we should all afford them a moment of respect. Whoever they are.
OK, that was fun. However do any of you remember the UnSignpost dog? Yes? Congratulations; you are not as daft as the UnSignpost team, because they certainly couldn't. I saw him crammed into a tiny corner of last week's issue with hardly any room to breathe, frolic or fetch. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. To make up for this unforgivable lapse he's in this issue twice.
When asked to comment, the UnSignpost dog gave this scathing indictment of the UnSignpost team: "Woof".
|Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #64
There's no free bacon with this issue.