- Senseless rambling by ChiefjusticeDS
So as we approach the end of the month the monthly award competition should really be heating up and showing us all the great expanses of talent of which Uncyclopedia can rightfully boast. We are pleased to report that this is exactly what has happened; the awards pages are packed with votes and edit summaries complaining of edit conflicts while voting, or at least they would be... IF WE LIVED IN OPPOSITE WORLD!
In reality visiting an awards page feels rather like trekking around Chernobyl, sans Ukranian soldier who refuses to take pictures of you in front of all the landmarks; strange mutated beings (nominees) stagger out of the shadows begging for just one vote. However they await in vain as it would appear that all of you have forgotten that voting is actually the most fun you can have on Uncyclopedia, especially with your clothes off. One need only survey the lesser awards like Author of the Month and Potatochopper of the Month to see that this is clearly an issue in need of resolution. Dr. Skullthumper had this to say of the voting problem: "How so, where?" so we can all be assured that it is at the top of his to-do list of urgent issues to be resolved.
The UnSignpost would like to be the first to recommend a solution; we suggest that we hit the award pages hard and fast with a major leafleting campaign, which when followed up with a proposal to propose a discussion on the issue of awards pages with few votes to be considered at some hypothetical point in the near to distant future by a committee of individuals elected through two junior sub-committees, will be a considerable force to be reckoned with.
Since investigation is rumoured to be a part of the remit of the UnSignpost we outfitted several of our fearless reporters with pens and paper and sent them to find out what you think. Our first call was to the home of <insert name here> who, may we say, could do with mowing his lawn once in a while, and putting some clothes on before dancing to Blondie in the front room. "I was actually just going to vote on all the awards, no worries guys" said <insert name here> and we can only hope that <insert name here> does exactly that, since liars are regularly incarcerated on Zombiebaron's prison island, where the piteous cries of "No Zombiebaron here?" never stop.
To update on the awards that have amassed some votes Noob of the Month, Uncyclopedia's favourite award, is exceptionally close this month with one candidate having assailed the dizzying heights of 4 votes and his nearest competitor tailing him at the similarly disorientating altitude of 3 votes. Uncyclopedian of the Month is a Frosty appreciation party and he leads his nearest competitor by 8 votes. Writer of the Month is a much more subdued affair with Mattsnow leading the pack with a massive three votes.
The obvious resolution to this and indeed all problems on Uncyclopedia is that we all start voting as much as humanly possible, I'm going to go and do it right now; <insert name here> promised he would and I am inspired by his example, we hope you will be too.
- Uninformed rambling by ChiefjusticeDS
It's American Football Season! Or so we are reliably informed on this forum by Guildensternenstein. The news is obviously that fantasy football is about to start again, for those of you who don't know how it works you are probably best to look it up on wikipedia or something because we here at the UnSignpost haven't a clue. Guildy has said "I need a minimum of 6 guys" and he would like about 12 people to sign up for fantasy football as well. The UnSignpost would also like to extend the offer of the post of "Pretend Sports Correspondent" to someone who can, occasionally, keep the expectant world up to date on the goings on in the league.
If you want to participate then you had better sign up soon as there are only about three places left at the time of going to press, a working knowledge of American Football is not essential, just ask Neox and the "Well-Dressed Pickles" who managed to go the entirety of last season without winning or editing the line up, despite it containing six of the worst players in the entire league. Anyone interested in reporting on the fantasy football should submit a report to the press room from where, after some minor editing, we will place it into the next issue and claim it as our own.
|From our logs:
- 01:30, July 20, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Fnoodle (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (stealing admins' jobs. he's like one of them whatchacallits..... mexicans!)
- 18:50, July 19, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Mattsnow (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 seconds (Doing what I asked people to do in the UnSignpost; this means he read it before Thursday, this is tantamount to pissing in my face.)
- 08:31, July 19, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 184.108.40.206 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (Theres a party in my pants. But you aren't invited....)
- 18:10, July 18, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year (Wanting to be an admin)
- 20:52, July 14, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Colin "All your base" Heaney (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (too gullible to live)
- 20:53, July 14, 2011 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) resurrected Colin "All your base" Heaney (Talk | contribs) (too rare to die)
|Biopic of the Week
Mattsnow should have seen this coming, he should have known that a biopic is the result of hard work, diligence and sincerity... However in his case we have made an exception. For those of you who don't know Mattsnow was noob of the month two months ago which just goes to show that we really do just give it out to anyone. He has written several featured articles; just goes to show that VFH should probably be renamed Bribe for Highlight. He has done pee reviews too and I'm told those are quite good, needless to say I don't believe that, it just goes to show that Pee Review standards have really fallen since my day.
We beg of you not to vote Mattsnow in Writer of the Month this month, remember a vote for Mattsnow is a vote for so-called "quality" and "humour". Unacceptable. Go on, speak to him if you want but don't come crying to us when he's as nice as everyone says he is.
|Cajek ban smackdown of the week!
- 11:45, July 15, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 12.3456789 seconds (For not being around enough.)
- 15:32, July 15, 2011 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 07.152011 seconds () (July 15: International "Ban Cajek" Day celebrations)
- 19:30, July 15, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 seconds (international ban Cajek day, you say?)