The Final Solution
- By Chief
The year is 2011, as you are obviously well aware, and Uncyclopedia once again faces a crisis that could very well shake the very foundations of the wiki and destroy the comedic soul of the userbase. Ha, fooled you, here is a story about a forum that nobody except Lyrithya has replied to.
You all recall that last week we covered Dr. Skullthumper and his latest dalliance with quality control. Well, it seems that Sockpuppet of an unregistered user took exception to these changes, and he is determined to make a stand for justice, democracy and the
American Belgian way, whichever way that may be. So you all know how we have too many articles, you should because you have all been told, and that all of these articles suck, however Socky contends that the way to solve this is not through shipping all the articles to Cajek's prison island but rather by considering each and every one in turn. A noble aim but it simply is not practical; does Socky not realise that these are necessary losses without which democracy cannot be purified? Clearly he does not.
The UnSignpost decided not to have an interview with anyone this week as it involves all sorts of complex logistical work and what can be charitably described as begging but rather has elected to have people answer any question with a random line from their talk page that they have said; we aren't completely unprofessional. The first person we didn't sit down with was Socky himself, to inform him that we were running this story. "That's... partially nice and partially creepy to hear." he responded. Asked why he opposed the reforms he said "The dark side is always my choice." which at least explains why he lives underneath a power station. Finally we asked what his proposed solution would be: "All I can say is that it's Arabic and I have a hunch it has "Allah" in it somewhere," he said enthusiastically (we imagine).
We failed to ask Uncyclopedian every man Frosty what he thought about the conflict, he responded by saying "They are actually both kinda awful, so whatever. I cant be bothered." albeit he did say this on Tuesday... to someone else... about something completely different. Dr. Skullthumper rebutted Socky's accusations of Article Death Camps by saying "I've been an uptight fucker because I was on my periods" to RAHB, in 2008.
Hopefully this will all accumulate with some kind of massive fight, hopefully with lasers... in space; this correspondent certainly hopes so.
- By Chief
We here at the UnSignpost were out of writing material this week, and that doesn't just mean we have run out of pens, it means that VFS has concluded, nobody is really fighting about anything and most crucially there have been no writing competitions. Usually you can't move for Uncyclopedia competitions begging people to write something funny in the name of fun and games and with the promise of a shiny template should they do particularly well.
Well Thekillerfroggy certainly noticed and it seems that every person who has ever hosted a competition ever was just waiting for him to ask since they are now all fighting over who gets to hold their writing competition first, by being incredibly gallant and insisting that everyone else go first. It's like watching a group of middle aged women discuss who will get to have the last Malteser: "Oh I really shouldn't, no you do it, you haven't had a Malteser in such a long time, I know I love them and being in charge of them but you asked nicely, oh do go on Mavis." You get the idea (obviously in this analogy Maltesers are writing competitions). We list the ideas floating around on the forum below for your
1) The PLS, last hosted by Sycamore in February.
2) The Article Whisperer last hosted by MadMax in October last year.
3) The Happy Monkey Competition hosted by Shabidoo in March.
4) Some hypothetical competition possibly hosted by Ljlego at some theoretical point this summer.
One thing is for certain, one of these will happen, be sure to keep an eye on the forums to see what is being held when, that way you can not take part as a conscientious objection rather than just through ignorance.
|From our logs:
- 23:58, July 1, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 184.108.40.206 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (Look at the cute little revert warrior...)
- 08:27, July 1, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 137 minutes (it's not Retardpedia, you say? What the fuck was I ever doing here then?)
- 19:15, July 1, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 220.127.116.11 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (Why do people take so dang long to blank a page? Honestly. It's just edit -> select all -> backspace.)
- 16:30, July 3, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 18.104.22.168 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (It's my userpage, the important part being that it is mine, If I want to fill it with hentai and fairies that is my own crap decision and you should let me roll with it.)
- 01:09, July 5, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Olipro sucks (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Your Mother)
- 11:27, July 4, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 22.214.171.124 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (Are you stupid? This is a legitimate question based on the nature of your contributions.)
|Biopic of the Week
What can one say about Joe9320? That he hasn't already said himself, it is not an exaggeration to say that Joe9320's biggest fan is Joe9320. That said, you should not let this, or his... unique userpage put you off Joe. Joe's biggest commitments right now are the Goa Tse clan, being made an admin and being Joe9320. Joe has been around since 2008 and should be afforded a level of respect for causing very little in the way of real problems in that time, accruing a stunning 8 blocks as he wheels from forum to forum explaining why he rocks and why we should all agree that he rocks.
So those of you with supposedly limitless free time can swing past Joe's userpage and once they have enjoyed that for a little while can swing by his talk page and speak to the man himself. Good luck to you; there be monsters.
|Old School FA
The GPS is today becoming a never-ending source of delight to exuberant male drivers, for two main reasons:
- Their total lack of ability to ask for directions.
- Their insatiable desire for new, expensive and totally unnecessary toys.
The GPS fulfils both of those basic male needs.
The GPS will essentially connect to several geographic satellites which are able to coordinate the driver's local position, destination and how to bridge the gap between the two.
At the next roundabout- HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!